Friday, August 29, 2008

IS INDIA REALLY POOR?

Is
> India poor, who says? Ask Swiss banks
>
> With
> personal account deposit bank of $1500 billion in foreign
> reserve which
> have been misappropriated, an amount 13 times larger than
> the country's
> foreign debt, one needs to rethink if India is a poor
> country?.
>
>
>
> DISHONEST
> INDUSTRIALISTS, scandalous politicians and corrupt IAS,
> IRS, IPS
> officers have deposited in foreign banks in their illegal
> personal
> accounts a sum of about $ 1500 billion, which have been
> misappropriated
> by them. This amount is about 13 times larger than the
> country's
> foreign debt. With this amount 45 crore poor people can get
> Rs 1,00,000
> each. This huge amount has been appropriated from the
> people of India
> by exploiting and betraying them.
>
> Once this huge amount of black
> money and property comes back to India , the entire foreign
> debt can be
> repaid in 24 hours. After paying the entire foreign debt,
> we will have
> surplus amount, almost 12 times larger than the foreign
> debt. If this
> surplus amount is invested in earning interest, the amount
> of interest
> will be more than the
> annual budget of the Central government. So even if all the
> taxes are
> abolished, then also the Central government will be able to
> maintain
> the country very comfortably.
>
> Some
> 80,000 people travel to Switzerland every year, of whom
> 25,000 travel
> very frequently. "Obviously, these people won't be
> tourists. They must
> be travelling there for some other reason," believes
> an official
> involved in tracking illegal money. And, clearly, he
> isn't referring to
> the commerce ministry bureaucrats who've been flitting
> in and out of
> Geneva ever since the World Trade Organisation (WTO)
> negotiations went
> into a tailspin!
>
> Just read
> the following details and note how these dishonest
> industrialists,
> scandalous politicians, corrupt officers, cricketers, film
> actors,
> illegal sex trade and protected wildlife operators, to name
> just a few,
> sucked this country's wealth and prosperity. This may
> be the picture of
> deposits in Swiss
> banks only. What about other international banks?
>
> Black
> money in Swiss banks -- Swiss Banking Association report,
> 2006 details
> bank deposits in the territory of Switzerland by nationals
> of following
> countries:
>
> Top five
>
> India---- $1,456 billion
>
> Russia ---$ 470 billion
>
> UK -------$390 billion
>
> Ukraine - $100 billion
>
> China -----$ 96 billion
>
> Now
> do the maths - India with $1456 billion or $1.4 trillion
> has more money
> in Swiss banks than rest of the world combined. Public loot
> since 1947:
> Can we bring back our money? It is one of the biggest loots
> witnessed
> by mankind -- the loot of the Aam Aadmi
> (common man) since 1947, by his brethren occupying public
> office. It
> has been orchestrated by politicians, bureaucrats and some
> businessmen.
> The list is almost all-encompassing. No wonder, everyone in
> India loots
> with impunity and without any fear.
>
> What is even more depressing
> in that this ill-gotten wealth of ours has been stashed
> away abroad
> into secret bank accounts located in some of the
> world's best known tax
> havens. And to that extent the Indian economy has been
> stripped of its
> wealth. Ordinary Indians may not be exactly aware of how
> such secret
> accounts operate and what are the rules and regulations
> that go on to
> govern such tax havens. However, one may well be aware of
> 'Swiss bank
> accounts,' the shorthand for murky dealings, secrecy
> and of
> course pilferage from developing countries into rich
> developed ones.
>
> In
> fact, some finance experts and economists believe tax
> havens to be a
> conspiracy of the western world against the poor countries.
> By allowing
> the proliferation of tax havens in the twentieth century,
> the western
> world explicitly encourages the movement of scarce capital
> from the
> developing countries to the rich.
>
> In March 2005, the Tax Justice
> Network (TJN) published a research finding demonstrating
> that $11.5
> trillion of personal wealth was held offshore by rich
> individuals
> across the globe. The findings estimated that a large
> proportion of
> this wealth was managed from some 70 tax havens.
>
> Further,
> augmenting these studies of TJN, Raymond Baker -- in his
> widely
> celebrated book titled 'Capitalism' s Achilles
> Heel: Dirty Money and How
> to Renew the Free Market System' -- estimates that at
> least $5 trillion
> have been shifted out of poorer countries to the West since
> the mid-1970.
>
> It
> is further estimated by experts that one per cent of the
> world's
> population holds more than 57 per cent of total global
> wealth, routing
> it invariably through these tax havens. How much of this is
> from India
> is anybody's guess.
>
> What is to be noted here is that most of the
> wealth of Indians parked in these tax havens is
> illegitimate money
> acquired through corrupt means. Naturally, the secrecy
> associated with
> the bank accounts in such places is central to the issue,
> not their low
> tax rates as the term 'tax havens'
> suggests. Remember Bofors
> and how India could not trace the ultimate beneficiary of
> those
> transactions because of the secrecy associated with these
> bank
> accounts?
> IS
> THERE ANY ONE WHO WOULD SAVE INDIA ?God... No, even he
> can't....... ....!!
>
>
>
> forward
it to all your Indian friends....
>

HOW TO SPOT AN INDIAN

How to Spot an Indian.......

* Everything you eat is savoured with garlic, onions and chillies.

* You try and re-use gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminium foil.

* You are standing next to the two largest size suitcases at the airport.

* You arrive one or two hours late to a party, and think it's normal.

* You peel the stamps off letters that the Postal Service missed to stamp.

* Your toilet has a plastic bowl next to the commode.

* All your children have pet names, which sound nowhere close to their real names.

* You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.

* You load up the family car with as many people as possible.

* You use plastic to cover anything new in your house whether it's the remote control, VCR, carpet or new couch .

* You live with your parents even if you are 40 years old. (And they like it that way).

* If she is NOT your daughter, you always take interest in knowing whose daughter has run with whose son and feel it's your duty to spread the word.

* You only make long distance calls after 11pm.

* If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.

* When your parents meet Indian for the first time and talk for a few minutes, you soon discover they are your relatives.

* Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs while talking.

* You have bed sheets on your sofas so as to keep them from getting dirty.

* It's embarrassing if your wedding has less than 600 people.

* You list your daughter as "fair and slim" in the matrimonial no matter what she looks like.

* You're alw ays interested to know/interfere in others' personal matters, what they are doing, where they are going, etc.

* You have really enjoyed reading this mail because you know some, or most of them, applies
to you!

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Re-arranging!

DILIP VENGSARKAR
When you rearrange the letters:

SPARKLING DRIVE



PRINCESS DIANA
When you rearrange the letters:

END IS A CAR SPIN



DORMITORY:

When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROO M



ASTRONOMER:

When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER



DESPERATION

When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT



THE EYES:

When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE



A DECIMAL POINT:

When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE





AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:







MOTHER-IN-LAW:

When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

USEFULIN FORMATION



> Hello,
>
> Attention please
>
> Don't eat Kurkure b'coz it contains high amount of
> plastic if U don't believe burn kurkure n u can see
> plastic melting. Pls forward to all!!!!!!!!!!!
>
> News report from Times of India
>
> Avoid these tablets they are very dangerous
> 1. D cold
> 2. Vicks action- 500
> 3. Actified
> 4. Coldarin
> 5. Cosome
> 6. Nice
> 7. Nimulid
> 8. Cetrizet-D
> They contain Phenyl- Propanol -Amide PPA. Which causes
> strokes, and these tablets are banned in U.S.
>
>
>
> Cotton Ear Buds... (Must read it)
>
>
> Pls do not show sympathy to people selling buds on roadside
> or at Signals..... .....
>
>
>
> Just wanted to warn you people not to buy those packs of
> ear buds you get at the roadside. It's made from cotton
> that has already been used in
> Hospitals.
>
> They take all the dirty, blood and pus filled cotton, wash
> it, bleach it and use it to make ear buds. So, unless you
> want to become the first
> person in the world to get Herpes Zoster Oticus (a viral
> infection of the inner, middle, and external ear) of the ear
> and that too from a cotton
> bud, DON'T BUY THEM!
>
>
>
> Please forward to all. This may be helpful for someone

>
>

Sunday, August 24, 2008

COUPLE'S JOKE


A couple had marriage problems and decided to end their union after a very short time together.

In court, the judge asked the husband, "What has brought you to the point where you cannot keep this marriage together?"

The husband replied, "In the six weeks we've been married, we haven't agreed on even one thing."

His wife interrupted, "Not six, Seven weeks!"

HEART CAN SKIP

Heart Can Skip

Heart Can Skip Beats 4 a While
Memories can be kept in a file
A desert can replace the Nile
But...
Nothing can stop a smile when ur name appears on my mobile.

.........................................................

My eyes reacted
My mind was attracted,
My heart was affected,
Thousands were rejected,
But u alone were selected !!

.........................................................

Measured by miles you are far from me.
Measured by thoughts you are closer to me.

Measured by closed eyes you are with me.
Measured by Heart you are in me
...forever..

.........................................................

Lessons in Logic ...

If your father is a poor man,

It is your fate but,


If your father-in-law is a poor man,

it's your stupidity.


***********

I was born intelligent - Education ruined me.


***********


Practice makes perfect.....

But nobody's perfect......

So why practice?


***********


If it's true that we are here to help others,

Then what exactly are the others here for?


***********


Since light travels faster than sound,

People appear bright until you hear them speak.


***********


How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?


***********


Money is not everything.

There's Mastercard & Visa.


***********


One should love animals.

They are so tasty.


***********


Behind every successful man, there is a woman

And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.


***********


Every man should marry.

After all, happiness is not the only thing in Life.


***********


The wise never marry.

And when they marry they become otherwise.


***********


Success is a relative term.

It brings so many relatives.


***********


Never put off the work till tomorrow

What you can put off today.


***********


"Your future depends on your dreams" So go to sleep


***********


There should be a better way to start a day Than waking up every morning


***********


"Hard work never killed anybody"

But why take the risk


***********


"Work fascinates me"

I can look at it for hours


***********

God made relatives;

Thank God we can choose our friends.


***********


The more you learn, the more you know,

The more you know, the more you forget

The more you forget, the less you know

So.. Why learn.


***********


A bus station is where a bus stops.

A train station is where a train stops.

On my desk, I have a work station....

SATYAMAVE JAYATE

From: Swati [mailto:taurean@airtelmail.in]
Sent: Sunday, August 24, 2008 12:49
To: Sanchita Majumdar; Shivani; Ajay Grover; Dimple Mahesh Tahil
Subject: MEN..satyamev jayate

Q: What is the difference between men and puppies?
A: Puppies grow up.

Q: Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?
A: Because they are...

Q: What do men have in common with ceramic tiles?
A: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever.

Q: If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which one would
hit the ground first?
A: Who cares?????.....

Q: What did God say after he created man?
A: I can do better than this! And then he created woman!!!.

Q: What's the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO ?
A: I don't know, I've never seen either.

Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
A: i) no mind ii) no business


Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles they have no
intention of driving.

Q: What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift?
A: Exchange him!!


Q: Why do men like smart women?
A: Opposites attract.

Pass this on to some women who need a laugh..
and to men who can handle it!
!


Friday, August 22, 2008

Women and God


A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.


While on the operating table she had a near death experience.


Seeing God She asked "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live." Upon recovery,


the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a Facelift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color.


Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home,


she was killed by an ambulance. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the


path of the ambulance?"



(You'll love this!!!)
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God replied,


I didn't recognize you."

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

MUMBAIKER-HILARIOUS

Very Interesting. ......... ........
Once a man went to a Veterinary Doctor and said, ' Doctor, I have come on vacation for a month so that I can get myself treated fully within this period'.
Doctor : I think you should go to the Doctor opposite to my clinic, see that board.
Man : No, Doctor, I have come to you only..
Doctor : But gentleman, I am a Veterinary Doctor. I am an animal specialist. I do not treat human beings.
Man : I know, Doctor very well and that is why I have come to you only...
Doctor : I can not, because you speak like me, think like me, talk like me which means you are a human being and not an animal.
Man : I know I am a human but listen to my complaints first.
Doctor : OK. Tell me.
Man : I sleep like a dog thinking about my work load whole night.
I get up in the morning like a horse
I go to work running like a deer
I work all the day like a donkey
I run around for 11 months like a bull without any holiday.
I wag my tail in front of all my bosses
I play with my children like a monkey if I get time.
I am like a rabbit before my wife
Doctor: Are you FROM MUMBAI ?
Man: Yes
Doctor : Instead of telling this long history you should have told me in the beginning itself that you are FROM MUMBAI . Come man, no one can treat you better than me.

--

Monday, August 18, 2008

PRESENCE OF MIND

>
> In a shop a man asked for 1/2 kg of butter. The
> salesperson, a young boy,
> said that only 1kg packs were available in the shop, but
> the man insisted on
> buying only 1/2 kg. So the boy went inside to the
> manager's room and said
> 'An idiot outside wants to buy only 1/2 kg of
> butter'. To his surprise, the
> customer was standing behind him. So the boy added
> immediately, 'And this
> gentleman wants to buy the other half!!!!!!'.
>
> After the customer left, the manager said 'You have
> saved your position by
> being clever enough at the right time. Where do you come
> from?' To this the
> boy said, 'I come from Mexico. The place consists of
> only prostitutes and
> football players!!!!!'
>
> The manager replied coldly, 'My wife is also from
> Mexico'.
>
> To this the boy asked excitedly, 'Oh yeah? Which team
> does she play for?'
>
> Presence of mind help, never panic!!!!!!!!

2 Moons on 27th august

Photobucket


27th Aug the Whole World is waiting for......... ....

Planet Mars will be the brightest in the night sky starting August. It will look as large as the full moon to the naked eye. This will cultivate on Aug. 27 when Mars comes within 34.65M miles off earth. Be sure to watch the sky on Aug. 27 12:30 am. It will look like the earth has 2 moons.

The next time Mars may come this close is in 2287.

Share this with your friends as NO ONE ALIVE TODAY will ever see it again.


__._,_.___


Don't miss the Chance,

2 Moons on 27th august

Photobucket


27th Aug the Whole World is waiting for......... ....

Planet Mars will be the brightest in the night sky starting August. It will look as large as the full moon to the naked eye. This will cultivate on Aug. 27 when Mars comes within 34.65M miles off earth. Be sure to watch the sky on Aug. 27 12:30 am. It will look like the earth has 2 moons.

The next time Mars may come this close is in 2287.

Share this with your friends as NO ONE ALIVE TODAY will ever see it again.


__._,_.___


Don't miss the Chance,

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

ALL FAMILY MEMBERS SHOULD READ THIS ESPECIALLY CHILDREN

DEAR ALL MUST READ FOR ALL
ALL FAMILY MEMBERS SHOULD READ THIS ESPECIALLY CHILDREN!

These crooks are getting very good!


A lady has changed her habit of how she lists her names on her mobile telephone after her handbag was stolen.
Her handbag, which contained her mobile telephone, credit card, purse, etc., was stolen.

Twenty minutes later she called her husband, from a pay telephone telling him what had happened.

Her husband said, 'I have just received your text asking about our pin number and I have replied a little while ago.'

When they rushed down to the bank, the staff told them all the money was already withdrawn.

The thief had actually used the stolen mobile telephone to text her husband in the contact list and got hold of the pin number.

Within twenty minutes he had withdrawn all the money from their bank account.


Moral of the lesson:

Do not disclose the relationship between you and the people in your contact list.

Avoid using names like Home, Honey, Hubby, Sweetheart, Mom, Dad, etc.,
And very importantly, when sensitive information is being asked for through texts, CONFIRM by calling back.
Also, when you are being text by friends or family to meet them somewhere, be sure to call back to confirm that the message came from them.

If you do not reach them, be very careful about going places to meet 'family and friends' who text you.


PLEASE PASS THIS ON.


I never thought about THAT!

As of right now, do you have 'home' named on the mobile?

Saturday, August 9, 2008

27th Aug the Whole World is waiting for......... ....

27th Aug the Whole World is waiting for......... ....

ü Planet Mars will be the brightest in the night sky starting August.

ü It will look as large as the full moon to the naked eye.

ü This will cultivate on Aug. 27 when Mars comes within 34.65M miles off earth.

ü Be sure to watch the sky on Aug. 27 12:30 am.

ü It will look like the earth has 2 moons.

ü The next time Mars may come this close is in 2287.


Share this with your friends as NO ONE ALIVE TODAY will ever see it again.

--

Friday, August 8, 2008

SQL INQUIRY-VERY FUNNY


WeddingQuery........ ........ (SQL Style)

HUSBANDS QUERY

CREATE PROCEDURE
MyMarriage (
BrideGroom Male (25) ,
Bride Female(20) )

AS
BEGIN


SELECT

Bride FROM india_ Brides
WHERE
FatherInLaw = 'Millionaire'

AND Count(Car) > 20 AND HouseStatus ='ThreeStoreyed'
AND
BrideEduStatus IN (B.TECH ,BE ,Degree ,MCA ,MiBA) AND Having Brothers= Null

AND Sisters =Null



SELECT
Gold ,Cash,Car,BankBalance

FROM FatherInLaw

UPDATE MyBankAccout

SETMyBal = MyBal + FatherInLawBal


UPDATE

MyLocker

SET MyLockerContents = MyLockerContents + FatherInLawGold


INSERT INTO

MyCarShed VALUES('BMW')
END
GO


Then the wife writes the below query:


DROP
HUSBAND;
Commit;

Thursday, August 7, 2008

PICTURES TAKEN FROM A PERFECT ANGLE

Pictures taken at just the perfect angle. Photobucket

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And




then




there's this one:

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Back pain-Follow these

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Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Software engineer and his wife

Software engineer and his wife

Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.

Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.


Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.


Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.


Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.


Wife - at least give me your credit card, I can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.


Wife - I made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.


Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.


Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.


Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.


Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.


Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.


Wife - I will go to my dad's house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close.


Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.


Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.


Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn
off your computer

> The Loyal Wife

> The Loyal Wife
> >
> >
> >
> > There was a man who had worked all of his life, had
> saved all of his
> > money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.
> >
> > Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I
> die, I want you to
> > take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I
> want to take
> > my money to the afterlife with me."
> >
> > And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her
> heart that
> > when he died, she would put all of the money in the
> casket with him.
> >
> > Well, he died . . .
> > He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was
> sitting there in
> > black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When
> they finished
> > the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to
> close the
> > casket, the wife said, "Wait, just a
> minute!"
> >
> > She had a box with her, she came over with the box and
> put it in the
> > casket.
> >
> > Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they
> rolled it away.
> >
> > Her friend said, "I know you weren't fool
> enough to put all that
> > money in there with your husband."
> >
> > The loyal wife replied "Listen, I can't go
> back on my word. I
> > promised him that I was going to put that money in
> that casket with
> > him."
> >
> > "You mean to tell me you put that money in the
> casket with him !!! ?"
> >
> > "I sure did" said the wife. "I got it
> all together, put it into my
> > account and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he
> can spend it."
> >
> > Moral of the story: Women are cleverer than Men .....
> >
> > Send this to a clever women you know, or a man with
> a good sense
> > of humor . . . . .
> >
> > I just did.
> >
> >

Monday, August 4, 2008

THINK OUT OF THE BOX

GREAT MAIL---- THINK OUT OF THE BOX





"THINK OUT OF THE BOX"-great!

Question 1:
You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night, it's
raining heavily, when suddenly you pass by a bus stop, and you see
three people waiting for a bus:

An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
An old friend who once saved your life.
The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing very well that
there could only be one passenger in your car?

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part
of a job application.

* You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and
thus you should save her first;
* or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life,
and this would be the perfect chance to ! pay him back.
* However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble
coming up with his answer. Guess what was his answer?

He simply answered:

"I would give the car keys to my Old friend and let him take the lady
to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the
partner of my dreams."

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn
thought limitations. Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box."

Question 2:
What will you do if I run away with your sister?"

The candidate who was selected answered "I will not get a better
match for my sister than you sir"

Question 3:
Interviewer (to a student girl candidate) - What is one
morning you woke up & found that you were pregnant.

Girl - I will be very excited and take an off, to celebrate with my
husband.

Normally an unmarried girl will be shocked to hear this, but she
managed it well. Why I should think it in the wrong way, she said
later when asked

Question 4:
Interviewer: He ordered a cup of coffee for the
candidate. Coffee arrived kept before the candidate, then he asked
what is before you?

Candidate: Instantly replied "Tea"

He got selected..

You know how and why did he say "TEA" when he knows very well that
coffee was kept before.

(Answer: The question was "What is before you (U - alphabet)
Reply was "TEA" ( T - alphabet)

Question 5:
The interviewer asked to the candidate "This is your last
question of the interview. Please tell me the exact position of the
center of this table where u have kept your files."

Candidate confidently put one of his finger at some point at the
table and told that this was the central point at the table.
Interviewer asked how did u get to know that this being the central
point of this table, then he answers quickly that sir u r not likely
to ask any more question, as it was the last question that u promised
to ask.....

And hence, he was selected as because of his quick-
wittedness. ........



This is what the Interviewer expects from the Interviewee. ....