PRICELESS WORDS

PRICELESS WORDS

A husband wakes up at home with a huge hangover.
He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees
is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and
pressed. He looks around the room and sees that
it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table.
'Honey, breakfast is on the table, I left early to go grocery shopping.
Love You!'

Totally shocked with the note , he goes to the kitchen and
sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating. He asks, 'Son, what happened last night?'
His son says, 'Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious.
Broke some crockery, puked in the hall, and gave yourself a black eye
when you stumbled into the door'. Confused, the man asks,
'So, why is everything in order and so clean, and
breakfast is on the table waiting for me?
I should expect a big quarrel with her!'
His son replies, 'Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom,
and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off,
you said,

'LADY LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M MARRIED!'

Moral
Self-induced hangover - Rs 1400.00
Broken crockery - Rs. 1800.00
Breakfast - Rs. 25.00
Saying the Right Thing While Drunk ' 'PRICELESS '

There are truly some things that both money and Mastercard can't buy

Stock market definitions

Bull market: a random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

Bear market: a six- to eight-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery and the husband gets no sex.

Momentum investing: the fine art of buying high and selling low.

Value investing: the art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E ratio: the percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

Broker: poorer than you were last year.

Buy, Buy: a flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the plane.

Standard and Poor (S&P): your life in a nutshell.

Stock analyst: idiot who just downgraded your stock.

Stock split: when your former wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves.

Market correction: the day after you buy stocks.

Cash flow: the movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

Institutional investor: past year investor who is now locked up in a nut house.

EBITDA : earnings before I tricked the dumb auditor.

EBIT: earnings before irregularities and tampering.

CEO: chief embezzlement officer.

CFO: chief fraud officer.

EPS: eventual prison sentence

Water or Coke?

---

Water or Coke?
I could not believe this..... Very interesting


WATER

#1. 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated.
(Likely applies to half the world population.)

#2. In 37% of Americans, the thirst mechanism is so weak
that it is mistaken for hunger.

#3. Even MILD dehydration will slow down one's metabolism as
3%.

#4. One glass of water will shut down midnight hunger pangs
for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a University of
Washington study.

#5. Lack of water, the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue.

#6. Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of
water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain
for up to 80% of sufferers.

#7. A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term

memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on

the computer screen or on a printed page.

#8. Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of
colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast
cancer by 79%., and one is 50% less likely to develop
bladder cancer. Are you drinking the amount of water
you should drink every day?

COKE

#1. In many states the highway patrol carries
two gallons of Coke in the trunk to remove blood from
the highway after a car accident.

#2. You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of Coke
and it will be gone in two days.

#3. To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the
toilet bowl and let the "real thing" sit for one hour,
then flush clean. The citric acid in Coke removes
stains from vitreous china.

#4. To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers:
Rub the bumper with a rumpled-up piece of Reynolds
Wrap aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola.

#5. To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour
a can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble
away the corrosion.

#6. To loosen a rusted bolt: Apply a cloth soaked in
Coca-Cola
to the rusted bolt for several minutes.

#7. To bake a moist ham: Empty a can of Coca-Cola into
the baking pan, wrap the ham in aluminum foil, and bake.
Thirty minutes before ham is finished, remove the foil, allowing
the drippings to mix
with the Coke for a sumptuous brown gravy.

#8... To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of Coke
into the load of greasy clothes, add detergent, and run
through a regular cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen
grease stains. It will also clean road haze from your
windshield.

FOR YOUR INFORMATION:

#1. the active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid.
It will dissolve a nail in about four days. Phosphoric
acid also leaches calcium from bones and is a major
contributor to the rising increase of osteoporosis.

#2. To carry Coca-Cola syrup! (the concentrate) the
commercial trucks must use a hazardous Material place
cards reserved for highly corrosive materials.

#3. The distributors of Coke have been using it to clean
engines of the trucks for about 20 years!



Now the question is, would you like a glass of water?

or Coke?

AMAZING

A Coincidence????

A sliced Carrot looks like the human eye. The pupil, iris and radiating lines look just like the human eye...and science shows that carrots greatly enhance blood flow to and function of the eyes.

A Tomato has four chambers and is red. The heart is red and has four chambers. All of the research shows tomatoes are indeed pure heart and blood food.

Grapes hang in a cluster that has the shape of the heart. Each grape looks like a blood cell and all of the research today shows that grapes are also profound heart and blood vitalizing food.


A Walnut looks like a little brain, a left and right hemisphere, upper cerebrums and lower cerebellums. Even the wrinkles or folds are on the nut just like the neo-cortex. We now know that walnuts help develop over 3 dozen neuron-transmitters for brain function.


Kidney Beans actually heal and help maintain kidney function and yes, they look exactly like the human kidneys.

Celery, Bok Choy, Rhubarb and more look just like bones. These foods specifically target bone strength. Bones are 23% sodium and these foods are 23% sodium. If you don't have enough sodium in your diet the body pulls it from the bones, making them weak. These foods replenish the skeletal needs of the body.



Eggplant, Avocadoes and Pears target the health and function of the womb and cervix of the female - they look just like these organs. Today's research shows that when a woman eats 1 avocado a week, it balances hormones, sheds unwanted birth weight and prevents cervical cancers. And how profound is this? .... It takes exactly 9 months to grow an avocado from blossom to ripened fruit. There are over 14,000 photolytic chemical constituents of nutrition in each one of these foods (modern science has only studied and named about 141 of them).

Sweet Potatoes look like the pancreas and actually balance the glycemic index of diabetics.

Olives assist the health and function of the ovaries.




Onions look like body cells. Today's research shows that onions help clear waste materials from all of the body cells They even produce tears which wash the epithelial layers of the eyes.



"The news isn't that fruits and vegetables are good for you, it's that they are so good for you, they can save your life." David Bjerklie, TIME Magazine, Oct. 2003 _.___

Short Love Story

Short Love Story

A man and a woman who had never met before, but were both married to
other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a
Trans-continental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were
both very tired and fell asleep quickly.....He in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,
'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the
closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold.'

'I have a better idea,' she replied 'Just for tonight, let 's pretend that we're married.'

'Wow! That's a great idea!' he exclaimed.
'Good,' she replied. 'Get your own fuckin blanket.

After a moment of silence, he farted.


The End

BALANCE SHEET OF LIFE

Our Birth is our Opening Balance !
Our Death is our Closing Balance!

Our Prejudiced Views are our Liabilities

Our Creative Ideas are our Assets

Heart is our Current Asset
Soul is our Fixed Asset

Brain is our Fixed Deposit
Thinking is our Current Account

Achievements are our Capital
Character & Morals, our Stock- in -Trade

Friends are our General Reserves
Values & Behavior are our Goodwill
Patience is our Interest Earned
Love is our Dividend
Children are our Bonus Issues
Education is Brands / Patents
Knowledge is our Investment
Experience is our Premium Account
The Aim is to Tally the Balance Sheet Accurately.
The Goal is to get the Best Presented Accounts Award.
The most destructive habit.......................Worry
The greatest Joy...............................Giving
The greatest loss................Loss of self-respect
The most satisfying work...............Helping others
The ugliest personality trait.............Selfishness
The most endangered species..........Dedicated leaders
Our greatest natural resource................Our youth
The greatest 'shot in the arm'..........Encouragement
The greatest problem to overcome.................Fear
The most effective sleep in g pill........Peace of mind
The most crippling failure disease............Excuses
The most powerful force in life..................Love
The most dangerous pariah...................A gossiper
The world's most in credible computer........The brain
The worst thin g to be without...................Hope
The deadliest weapon.......................The tongue
The two most power-filled words...............'I Can'
The greatest asset...............................Faith
The most worthless emotion...................Self-pity
The most beautiful attire......................SMILE!
The most prized possession................Integrity
The most powerful channel of communication.....Prayer
The most contagious spirit.................Enthusiasm
BALANCE SHEET OF LIFE

Why should the wedding ring be worn on the fourth finger?

Why should the wedding ring be worn on the fourth finger? There is a beautiful and convincing explanation given by the Chinese Legend... Thumb represents your Parents Second (Index) finger represents your Siblings Middle finger represents your-Self Fourth (Ring) finger represents your Life Partner & the Last (Little) finger represents your children Firstly, open your palms (face to face), bend the middle fingers and hold them together - back to back Secondly, open and hold the remaining three fingers and the thumb - tip to tip (As shown in the figure below): Now, try to separate your thumbs (representing the parents)..., they will open, because your parents are not destined to live with you lifelong, and have to leave you sooner or later. Please join your thumbs as before and separate your Index fingers (representing siblings)...., they will also open, because your brothers and sisters will have their own families and will have to lead their own separate lives. Now join the Index fingers and separate your Little fingers (representing your children)...., they will open too, because the children also will get married and settle down on their own some day. Finally, join your Little fingers, and try to separate your Ring fingers (representing your spouse). You will be surprised to see that you just CANNOT....., because Husband & Wife have! to remain together all their lives - through thick and thin!! Please try this out.............. ISN'T THIS A LOVELY THEORY?

QUOTES AND ONE-LINERS

QUOTES AND ONE-LINERS

Sometimes an open mind is too porous to hold a conviction.

Your work is a portrait of yourself.

The loneliest place in the world is the heart where God is absent.

One makes a living by what he gets. One makes a life by what he gives.

God can't be defeated. Nor can they who trust Him.

One of the mysteries of life is that occasionally

some piece of it will be perfectly understandable.

The best teachers are those who live by example.

Prepare today to accomplish tomorrow.