Friday, October 24, 2008

A GOOD ONE

Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.

His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted.

Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.

Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker.

He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.

Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday.

Little Bobby, of course, thought he did.

Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year.

Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year.

Then write a letter to krishna and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday.

Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write krishna a letter.


**************
Letter 1

Dear krishna,

I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday.

I want a red one.

Your friend,

Bobby

**************
Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year,

So he tore up the letter and started over.

**************
Letter 2

Dear krishna,

This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I
would like A red bike for my birthday. Thank you.

Your friend,
Bobby
**************
Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.
**************
Letter 3

Dear krishna,

I have been an OK boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.

Bobby
**************
Bobby knew he could not send this letter to krishna either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.

**************
Letter 4

krishna,

I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry.

I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday.

Please! Thank you,

Bobby

**************

Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike.

Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to temple.

Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad.

Just be home in time for dinner, Bobby's mother told him.

Bobby walked down the street to the temple on the corner.

Little Bobby went into the temple and up to the altar.

He looked around to see if anyone was there.

Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the radha.

He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the temple, down the street, into the house, and up to his room.

He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen.


Bobby began to write his letter to krishna.


**************
Letter 5

krishna,

I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR GIRLFRIEND. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE
BIKE!!!!!!

Monday, October 20, 2008

THE LAWS OF ultimate reality


THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY

Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

Law of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire..

Law of Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now

Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theater
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

The Starbucks Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Brown's Law of Physical Appearance
If the shoe fits, it's ugly…

Oliver's Law of Public Speaking
A closed mouth gathers no feet…

Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it…

Doctors' Law
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick…


Saturday, October 18, 2008

A Gift to Mom

A gift to mom

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city.

The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama."


The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house."

The third said "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."

The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."

The other brothers were impressed. After the holidays Mom sent out her thank you notes. "She wrote: "Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."

"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."

"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."

"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you."

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Punjabi ABC : Hilarious

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This one's not just for Punjabis but for all those who have faced 'Punjlish'.
A is for Aiscreame

B is for Backside, and it has nothing to do with your butt. It is an
instruction to go to the rear of a building, or block, or shop or
whatever.

C is for Cloney and its not a process for replicating sheep, nor is its
first name George. It is merely an area where people live e.g. 'Defence Cloney'.

D is for the proverbial 'Dangar da Puttar'

E is for Expanditure, the spending of money

F is for Fackade, and even though it sounds like a bad word it is
actually just the front of a building (with backside being the back, of course).

G is for Gaddi, and the way a Punjabi can pilot his gaddi puts any F1 driver to shame. (If the Grand Prix does come to Delhi there's no way Hamilton, Alonso or Kimi can overtake Balvinder, Jasvinder or Sukhvinder's taxi.)

H is for 'Ho Jayega Ji', and the moment you hear that you have to be careful because you can be reasonably sure it's not going to happen.

I is for Intzaar, and to know more about it see P.

J is for Jutt, which every Punjabi seems to be.

K is for Khanna, Khurana, etc, the Punjabi equivalent of the Joneses (e.g.'Keeping up with the Khuranas ji')

L is for Loin, the king of the jungle

M is for 'Mrooti', the car that an entire generation of Punjabis were in love with.

N is for 'No Problem Ji.' To find out how that works see H.

O is for Oye, which can be surprise (Oyye!), a greeting (Oyy!), anger (OYY!) or pain (Oy oy oy...).

P is for Punj Mint, and no matter how near (1 km) or far (100 km) a Punjabi is from you he always says he'll reach you in punj mint (5 minutes...).

Q is for Queue, a word completely untranslateable into Punjabi.

R is for Riks, and a Punjabi is always prepared to take one (risk), even if the odds are against him.

S is for Sweetie, Sunny, Simmi and Sonu, who seem to own half the cars in Delhi . (The other half by their Pappas - like 'Sweetie de Pappa di Gaddi')

T is for the official bird of Punjab : Tandoori Chickun.

U is for when you lose your sex appeal and become 'Uncul-ji'

V is for VIP phone numbers @ Rs 15 lakh and counting.

W is for Whan, as in 'Whan are you coming, ji?'

X is for the many X-rated words that flow freely in Punjabi conversations.

Y is for 'You nonsanse', when anger replaces vocabulary in a shouting match.

Z is for Zindgi which every Punjabi knows how to live to the fullest

Forword This email to everyone you know

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

DUMBER SANTA

No one is born happy,
But everyone are born with ability to create happiness,
So today make everyone happy by flashing your sweetest smile....
HAVE A NICE DAY

Dumber Santa !

An Englishman, an Scotsman and our Banta went on a mountain-climbing expedition together. Everything was going fine until one day, while they were walking along a narrow ledge, an avalanche ripped away the ledge on each side of them.

As they stood there wondering what to do, with the freezing night closing in, there was a strange shimmering in the air and a good fairy appeared, floating in front of them.

She raised her wand and declared that, as they had all been good and the expedition was sponsored for charity and so forth, she was to rescue them from their terrible plight. Each of them could wish to be transformed into any bird of their choice in order to get safely off the mountain, and would return to their normal form once they reached home.

She turned first to the Englishman and asked what he wanted to be.

"A swan," he replied, and a beautiful white swan replaced him. Stepping off the ledge, it spread its wings and flew off for England.

The fairy turned to the Scotsman, who immediately and proudly chose a golden eagle, which he became. With a magnificent swoop, he launched from the ledge and soared away, glorying in the freedom of flight as he returned home.

Banta watched the two birds disappearing into the distance from the ledge as the fairy turned to him. "And what bird do you choose?" she asked.

He thought, and mused, then said, "A penguin ."

Monday, October 13, 2008

DO MEN REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES?

DO MEN REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES?

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.

She puts on her dressing gown
and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room
, 'Why are you down here at this time of night?'

The husband looks up from his coffee,
'I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?' he says solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive.

'Yes, I do' she replies.

The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily.

'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?'

'Yes, I remember!' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues.
'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'

'I remember that too' she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says
...

'I would have been released today.'


IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE



THE ORIGINAL QUOTE
If you love someone,
Set her free...
If she comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, she never was.....

THE NEW VERSIONS R.....

Pessimist:
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she ever comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, as expected, she never was

Optimist:
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
Don't worry, she will come back.

Suspicious:
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she ever comes back, ask her why.

Impatient:
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she doesn't come back within some time forget her.

Patient:
If you love someone, Set her free ...
If she doesn't come back,
continue to wait until she comes back ...

Playful:
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she comes back, and if you love her still,
set her free again, repeat ....

C++ Programmer:
if(you-love( m_she))
m_she.free()
if(m_she == NULL)
m_she = new CShe;

Animal-Rights Activist:
If you love someone,
Set her free,
In fact, all living creatures deserve to be free!!

Lawyers:
If you love someone,
Set her free,
Clause 1a of Paragraph 13a-1 in the Second
Amendment of the Matrimonial Freedom

Biologist :
If you love someone,
Set her free,
She'll evolve.

Statisticians :
If you love someone,
Set her free,
If she loves you, the probability of her coming
back is high
If she doesn't, your relation was improbable
anyway.

Schwarzenegger' s fans:
If you love someone,
Set her free,
SHE'LL BE BACK!

Ove
r possessive person :
If you love someone
don't set her free.

MBA :
If you love someone set her free instantaneously
and look for others simultaneously

Psychologist :
If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back her super ego is dominant
If she doesn't come back her id is supreme
If she doesn't go, she must be crazy.

Somnabulist :
If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back it's a nightmare
If she doesn't, you must be dreaming.

ERP functional expert :
If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back, map her into your system
If she doesn't, carry out a gap-fit analysis

Finance expert :
If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back, its time to look for fresh loans
If she doesn't, write her off as an asset gone bad.

Marketing Specialist :
If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back she has brand loyalty
If she doesn't, reposition the brand in new market

But before i leave...Here, i SAVE the Last Dance for You

Sunday, October 12, 2008

SMILE

Multiple Storms

A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain.

"What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?" asked the captain.

"Throw out an anchor, sir." replied the naval student.

"What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?" asked the captain.

"Throw out another anchor, sir." answered the student.

"And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do?" asked the captain.

"Throw out another anchor." replied the student.

"Hold on," said the Captain. "Where are you getting all your anchors from?"

The naval student replied, "From the same place you're getting all of your storms, sir."


Miracle Car

The parents of two boys (14 and 16 year-olds) went on a trip for the weekend with friends. They left early Friday morning and the boys were left alone at home. That evening the younger boy made the suggestion that they take their dad's car, pick up some girls and go to the local disco. The 16 year-old boy could drive a bit but was too scared.

After some nagging he gave in and off they went to enjoy the evening. When they got back to the car after a lot of discothequeing, they noticed a huge dent in the rear of the car - someone must have bumped into the car and drove off.

Frantically they phoned their friends to find a panelbeater/ spraypainter to fix their dad's car. Finally they found one who said they must have the car at his house early next morning. The car was fixed properly and they parked it back in the garage that afternoon.

Their parents returned the next day but the boys were too terrified to say anything about the accident. The father went to get something from the garage, came back very amazed and said to the family in the lounge,

"A miracle has happened! A guy drove into the back of my car on Thursday and now it is fixed without a scratch!"



Thursday, October 9, 2008

You will love this


If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left. With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000. With AIG, you would have less than $15 left. But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.

Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

SMILE

Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool, back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single.

One day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, "My dear guests... I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!"

As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large SPLASH!! There was a guy in the pool swimming with all he could - the crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking. Finally, he made it to the other side unharmed.

The millionaire was impressed. He said, "My boy, that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well I must keep my end of the bargain... do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?"

The guy says, "Listen, I don't want your money! And I don't want your daughter! I want the person who pushed me in the pool!!!"


LOVE AND MARRIAGE HUMOUR


Love and Marriage

Love is holding hands in the street.
Marriage is holding arguments in the street.

Love is dinner for 2 in your favorite restaurant.
Marriage is a take home packet.

Love is cuddling on a sofa.
Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.

Love is talking about having children.
Marriage is talking about getting away from children.

Love is going to bed early.
Marriage is going to sleep early.

Love is a romantic drive.
Marriage is arrive on tops curvy tarmac .

Love is losing your appetite.
Marriage is losing your figure.

Love is sweet nothing in the ear.
Marriage is sweet nothing in the bank.

Tv has no place in love.
Marriage is a fight for remote control.

Love is 1 drink and 2 straws.
Marriage is "Don't you think you've had enough!".

Conclusion: "Love is blind, Marriage is an eye opener!"

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

DIVORCE ADVOCATE

DIVORCE ADVOCATE
A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy 3 coins to play with to keep him occupied. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the coins and starts slapping him on the back. The boy coughs up 2 of the coins, but keeps choking. Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.
A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last coin, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?"
"No," the woman replied. "Divorce advocate."

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

The Purina Diet


The purina diet


> The purina diet
> The next time someone asks you a dumb question wouldn't you
> >>like to respond like this?
> >>
> >> Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of
> >>Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, and was in the checkout line
> >>when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
> >> What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired
> >>and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog,
> >>I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't,
> >>because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds
> >>before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most
> >>of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
> >>
> >> I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that
> >> the
> >>way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and
> >>simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is
> >>nutritionally
> >>complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to
> >>mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my
> >>story.)
> >>
> >> Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because
> >>the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an
> >>Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.
> >>
> >> I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack
> >>he was laughing so hard.
> >>
> >> Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore.
> >>
> >> Better watch what at you ask retired people. They have all
> >> the
> >>time in the world to think of crazy things to say.

Important Facts about Lipsticks You Must Know

Something to consider
Next time you go shopping for
Lipstick.... ...



This comes from someone
Who works in the
breast cancer
unit at

Mt. Sinai Hospital , in Toronto ..


From: Dr. Nahid Neman



If there is a female you
care anything about,
Share this with her.
I am also sharing this with the males on my e-mail list,
Because they need to tell the females
THEY care about as well!

Recently a lipstick brand called
'Red Earth'
Decreased their prices from
$67 to $9.90.

It contained lead
.
Lead is a chemical which causes cancer.

The lipstick brands that contain lead are:

CHRISTIAN DIOR
LANCÔME
CLINIQUE
Y.S.L

SHISEIDO

RED EARTH (Lip Gloss)
CHANEL (Lip Conditioner)
MARKET AMERICA-MOTNES LIPSTICK.


The higher the lead content,
The greater the chance of causing cancer.

After doing a test on lipsticks,
It was found that the Y.S.L. Lipstick
Contained the most amount of lead.

Watch out for those lipsticks
Which are supposed to stay longer.

If your lipstick stays longer, it is
Because of the higher content of lead.

Here is the test you can do yourself:


1. Put some lipstick on your hand.
2. Use a Gold ring to scratch on the lipstick.
3. If the lipstick
colour changes to black,

Then you know the lipstick contains lead.

This information is being circulated at
Walter
Reed Army Medical Centre

Dioxin Carcinogens cause cancer,
Especially breast cancer.

PO Taters

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Some people never seem motivated to participate, but are just content to watch while others do the work.
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They are called "Spec Taters".

Some people never do anything to help, but are gifted at finding fault with the way others do the work.
They are called "Comment Taters".

Some people are very bossy andPhotobucket like tPhotobucketo tell others what to do, but don't want to soil their own hands.
They are called "Dick Taters".
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Some people are always looking to cause problems by asking others to agree with them. It is too hot or
too cold, too sour or too sweet.
They are called "Agie Taters".
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There are those who say they will help, but somehow just never get around to actually doing the promised help.
They are called "Hezzie Taters".
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Some people can put up a front and pretend to be someone they are not.
They are called "Emma Taters".
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Then there are those who love others and do what they say they will. They are always prepared to stop whatever they are doing and lend a helping hand. They bring real sunshine into the lives of others.
They are called "Sweet Po Taters".
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If you know any "Sweet Po Taters", send this to them!!
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STOCK MARKET-NEW DEFINATIONS

Since everyone is minding their money, I thought it would be appropriate to inform you all of some new stock market lingo. Just so you're not left in the dark.

CEO- Chief Embezzlement Officer

CFO- Corporate Fraud Officer

Bull Market- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

Bear Market- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband gets no sex.

Value investing- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E Ratio- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

Broker- What my broker has made me.

Standard & Poor- Your life in a nutshell.

Stock analyst- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

Stock split- When you ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

Market Correction- The day after you buy stocks.

Cash flow- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

Yahoo- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

Windows- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo at $240 per share.

Institutional investor- Past year investor who's now locked up in a
nuthouse.

Profit- An archaic word no longer in use

Monday, October 6, 2008

GOOD MORNING!!!11

Various styles of saying
Good Morning direct from bollywood:


SHARUKH KHAN: hhheeeyy... Ggggg gud mmornigg...

AMITABH BACHAN: khush toh bahut hoge na tum?
hainye? K kisi ne sirf
gud morng kehne k liye msg kia!

DHARMENDRA: Maa kasam,
gudmorng..

RAJ KUMAR: jaani, ye sirf msg nahi.
Gudmorng hai gudmorng,
bhool jaye to gazab ho jata hai

SANJAY DUTT: kya re mamu,
apun vaise ich nai msg kia,
ispecial gud mg kehne ka tha!!


Sunday, October 5, 2008

THIS IS WHAT YOU CALL DEDICATION!!!!!!!!

TPhotobucket

** If opportunity doesn't knock at your door, you go knocking at it. **

Saturday, October 4, 2008

TAX STRUCTURE IN INDIA


4) Qus. : What are you getting in Selling Goods?
Ans.: Profit.
Tax: PAY INCOME TAX!

5) Qus. : Where you Manufacturing the Goods?
Ans.: Factory.
Tax: PAY EXCISE DUTY!

6) Qus. : Do you have Office / Warehouse/ Factory?
Ans.: Yes
Tax: PAY MUNICIPAL & FIRE TAX!

7) Qus. : Do you have Staff?
Ans.: Yes
Tax: PAY STAFF PROFESSIONAL TAX!

8) Qus. : Doing business in Millions?
Ans.: Yes
Tax: PAY TURNOVER TAX!

9) Qus. : Are you taking out over 25,000 Cash from Bank?
Ans.: Yes, for Salary.
Tax: PAY CASH HANDLING TAX!

10) Qus. : Where are you taking your client for Lunch & Dinner?
Ans.: Hotel
Tax: PAY FOOD & ENTERTAINMENT TAX!

11) Qus. : Are you going Out of Station for Business?
Ans.: Yes
Tax: PAY FRINGE BENEFIT TAX!

12) Qus. : Have you taken or given any Service/s?
Ans.: Yes
Tax : PAY SERVICE TAX!

13) Qus. : How come you got such a Big Amount?
Ans.: Gift on birthday.
Tax: PAY GIFT TAX!

14) Qus. : Do you have any Wealth?
Ans.: Yes
Tax: PAY WEALTH TAX!

15) Qus. : To reduce Tension, for entertainment, where are you going?
Ans.: Cinema or Resort.
Tax: PAY ENTERTAINMENT TAX!

16) Qus. : Have you purchased House?
Ans.: Yes
Tax : PAY STAMP DUTY & REGISTRATION FEE !

17) Qus. : How you Travel?
Ans.: Bus
Tax: PAY SURCHARGE!

18) Qus. : Any Additional Tax?
Ans.: Yes
Tax: PAY EDUCATIONAL, ADDITIONAL EDUCATIONAL & SURCHARGE ON ALL THE CENTRAL GOVT.'s TAX !!!

19) Qus. : Delayed any time Paying Any Tax?
Ans.: Yes
Tax: PAY INTEREST &
PENALTY

Friday, October 3, 2008

COZ YOU ARE SPECIAL!!

Hi Friends

Today is International Disturbed People's Day

Please send an encouraging message to a disturbed friend... just as I've done.

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I don't care if you lick windows,

take the special bus

or occasionally pee on yourself..

You hang in there sunshine, you're friggin' special

Every sixty seconds you spend angry, upset or mad, is a full minute of happiness you'll never get back.


Today's Message of the Day is:

Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, And never regret anything that made you smile.

Send to all the people you love and don't want to lose in 2008, even me.

If you get 3 back, you are a great friend.

Life may not be the party we hoped for,

but while we're here we should dance.

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10 Delicious Facts about Chocolate


10 Delicious Facts about Chocolate

Chocolate is one of the most popular and yummiest types of foods that will likely stay at the top of most peoples favorite food lists. Chocolate is something most of us have grown up enjoying, but very few of us have taken the time to learn the many facts that are associated with Chocolate. There are actually hundreds of facts that are associated with Chocolate and I have created a list of the ones that I find most interesting.

1. It is a known fact that chocolate has caffeine in it. But did you know that you would have to eat more then a dozen chocolate bars to get the same amount of caffeine from a cup of coffee? There are about 5 to 10 mg's of caffeine in one ounce of bitter chocolate, 5 mgs in milk chocolate, and 10mgs in a six-ounce cup of cocoa.


3. Chocolate has great health benefits. It helps with depression, high blood pressure, Tumors and Pre-menstrual syndromes.

4. Chocolate does not cause or aggravate acne, this is a myth.

5. One ounce of baking chocolate or cocoa contains 10% of the daily recommended intake of iron.

6. Chocolate can be deadly for dogs. Chocolate contains an ingredient called "Theobromine" which can be toxic to a dogs central nervous system and cardiac muscles.

7. People spend more than $7 billion dollars a year on chocolate.

8. The per capita consumption of chocolate indicates that each person consumes 12 pounds of chocolate each year.

9. Milk Chocolate is the most preferred type of chocolate, however dark chocolate is especially popular among men.

10. In Alfred Hitchcock's movie "Psycho" chocolate syrup was used to indicate blood in the famous shower scene.

Bon Appetite!

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Australian letter of the year


A fabulous characteristic of Australians is that we are far more direct and outspoken than others when dealing with the sort of elected whanker who wouldn't otherwise get the full drift of what they were trying to communicate. Below is one such wonderful communication...

Dear Mr. Minister,

I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.

How is it that K-Mart has my address and telephone number, and knows that I bought a Television Set and Golf Clubs from them back in 1997, and yet, the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date.

For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand?

My birth date you have in my Medicare information, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 40 years. It is on my driver's licence, on the last eight passports I've ever had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that I've filled out every 5 years since 1966.

Also..would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Audrey, my Father's name is Jack, and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and when I drop dead!!!...

SHIT!...I apologize, Mr. Minister. But I'm really pissed off this morning. Between you an' me, I've had enough of all this bullshit! You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my address!! What the hell is going on with your mob? Have you got a gang of mindless Neanderthal arseholes workin' there!

And another thing, look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I can't even grow a beard for God's sakes. I just want to go to New Zealand and see my new granddaughter. (Yes, my son interbred with a Kiwi girl). And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a sheep or a horse, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone!

Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the city, and get another copy of my birth certificate, and to part with another $80 for the privilege of accessing MY OWN INFORMATION!

Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot, to assist in the issuance of a new passport on the same day?? Nooooo.. that'd be too easy and makes far too much sense. You would much prefer to have us running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off, and then having to find some high society whanker to confirm that it's really me in the goddamn photo! You know the photo...
the one where we're not allowed to smile?! ...you morons

Signed - An Irate Australian Citizen.

PS. Remember what I said above about the picture, and getting someone in high society to confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country since before 1850! In 1856, one of my forefathers took up arms with Peter Lalor.
(You do remember the Eureka Stockade!!) I have also served in both the CMF and regular Army something over 30 years (I went to Vietnam in 1967), and still have high security clearances. I'm also a personal friend of the president of the RSL.. and Lt General Peter Cosgrove sends me a Christmas card each year.

However, your rules require that I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am; You know.. someone like my doctor; WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN PAKISTAN!!!...... a country where they either assassinate or hang their ex-Prime Ministers, and are suspended from the Commonwealth for not having the 'right sort of government.'

You are all idiots



I AM SOMEONE

I Am Someone

I am someone
I walked past a dead face
even though the person was alive
I saw my eyes in the mirror
and cried at the sight
I looked at a person I didn¹t know
and I met a friend
I got heads to turn
when I walked past
I learned a lot about myself
when I lost a new friend
I cried every tear in my body
when I thought about love
I got hit bad
then got back in the ring
I climbed a mountain of rocks
and saw an eagle fly over- head
I heard terrible things about myself
when no one thought I was listening
I realized I was strong
when I didn¹t cry when it hurt
I found out who I was
when I was with someone else
I thought I was lost forever
when a friend found me
I held a life in my hand
and it was my own
I was a pawn in someone else's game
so I surrendered to a brook
I walked the fine line between surviving
and not wanting to survive
I still am
I am someone