Funny full forms of Big Companies

1. NIIT : Not Interested in IT

2. WIPRO : Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output

3. HCL : Hidden Costs & Losses

4. TCS : Totally Confusing Solutions

5. INFOSYS :Inferior Offline Systems

6. HUGHES : Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping

7. BAAN : Beggars Association and Nerds

8. IBM : Implicitly Boring Machines

9. SATYAM : Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly

10.. PARAM : Puzzled And Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors

11.. C-DOT : Coffee During Office Timings

12.. AT&T : All Troubles & Terrible

13.. CMC : Coffee, Meals and Comfort

14.. DEC : Drifting & Exhausted Computers

15.. BFL : Brainwash First and Let them go

17.. TISL : Totally Inconsistent Systems Ltd.

18.. PSI : Peculiar Symptoms of India

19.. ORACLE : On-line Romance And Chatting with Lady Employees.

20.. MASTEK: Mad And Stupid Technitians Enroute to Kabaarkhana

21..PATNI : Pathetic Appraisal Techniques, No Increments

Inspirational Wisdom Buddha (Part-04)

Santa's moved from North Pole...!!!

In view of the economy, to cut costs, Santa has now moved from the North pole to Bangalore, India...

1. The US has made a new weapon that destroys people but keeps the building standing,. Its called the stock market - Jay Leno

 2. Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are ?? Wall Street is now being called Wal Mart Street - Jay Leno

 3. The difference between a pigeon and a London investment banker. The pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW.

 4. What's the difference between a guy who lost everything in Las Vegas and an investment banker?     A tie!

 5. The problem with investment bank balance sheet is that on the left side nothing's right and on the right side nothing's left.

 6. I want to warn people from Nigeria who might be watching our show, if you get any emails from Washington asking for money, it's a scam. Don't fall for it - Jay Leno

 7. Bush was asked about the credit crunch. He said it was his favourite candy bar - Jay Leno

 8. The rescue bill was about 450 pages. President Bush's copy is even thicker. They had to include pictures  - Jay Leno

 9. President Bush's response was to meet some small business owners in San Antonio last week. The small business owners are General Motors, General Electric and Century 21 - Jay Leno

 10. What worries me most about the credit crunch, is that if one of my cheques is returned stamped 'insufficient funds'. I won't know whether that refers to mine or the bank's.

PAUSE BUTTON

A Violinist in the Metro

A man sat at a metro station in Washington DC and started to play the violin; it was a cold January morning. He played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, since it was rush hour, it was calculated that thousand of people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.

Three minutes went by and a middle aged man noticed there was musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried up to meet his schedule.

A minute later, the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman threw the money in the till and without stopping continued to walk.

A few minutes later, someone leaned against the wall to listen to him, but the man looked at his watch and started to walk again. Clearly he was late for work.

The one who paid the most attention was a 3 year old boy. His mother tagged him along, hurried but the kid stopped to look at the violinist. Finally the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. All the parents, without exception, forced them to move on.

In the 45 minutes the musician played, only 6 people stopped and stayed for a while. About 20 gave him money but continued to walk their normal pace. He collected $32. When he finished playing and silence took over, no one noticed it. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.

No one knew this but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the best musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written with a violin worth 3.5 million dollars.

Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out at a theater in Boston and the seats average $100.

This is a real story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of an social experiment about perception, taste and priorities of people. The outlines were: in a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour: Do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize the talent in an unexpected context?

One of the possible conclusions from this experience could be:

If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world playing the best music ever written, how many other things are we missing?

OL' BLUE

Subject: Ol' Blue

A young cowboy from Wyoming goes off to college, but halfway through the semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money.

He calls home. 'Dad,' he says, 'You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Laramie that will teach our dog, Ol' Blue, how to talk!'

'That's amazing,' his Dad says. 'How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?'

'Just send him down here with $1,000' the young cowboy says. 'I'll get him in the course.'

So, his father sends the dog and $1,000.

About two-thirds through the semester, the money again runs out.

The boy calls home.

'So how's Ol' Blue doing, son?,' his father asks.

'Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm,' he says, 'but you just won't believe this - they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!'

'Read!' says his father, 'No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?'

Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class.'

The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk nor read. So he shoots the dog.

When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited. 'Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!'

'Dad,' the boy says, 'I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does.

Then he turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still messin' around with that little redhead who lives in town?'

The father exclaimed, 'I hope you shot that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!'

'I sure did, Dad!'

'That's my boy!'

The kid went on to be a successful lawyer .....

Old one - A Priest at Work

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work . Her nine-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, sees the illegal lovers and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch. Then the woman's husband unexpectedly comes home. She hides her lover in the cupboard, not realizing that her little boy is in there already. The little Boy says: 'Dark in here.' The Man says: 'Yes, it is.' Boy: 'I have a soccer ball, do you want to buy it?' Man: 'No, thanks.' Boy: 'My dad's outside, I'll call him if you don't buy it!' Man: 'OK, how much?' Boy: '$1,000.' A few weeks later it happened again , and the boy and the lover were in the cupboard together again. Boy: 'Dark in here.' Man: 'Yes, it is.' Boy: 'I have soccer boots.' The Man, remembering the last time, asks the boy: 'How much?' The Boy says:'$5,000.' The Man says: 'Fine, I will buy them.' A few days later, the Father says to the boy: 'Grab your ball and boots, let's go outside and have a game.' The Boy says: 'I can't, I sold them for $ 6,000.' The Father says: 'That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... $ 6,000 is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your 'SINS.' They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door. The Boy says: 'Dark in here.' The Priest says: 'Don't start that again!' THIS IS MY CHURCH, NOT YOUR FATHER'S HOUSE !

Current Economic Slowdown ! very relevant NOW and ALWAYS

Dear employees,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons
who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel
Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always
prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your Supervisor. They have been trained to give you all
the SHIT you can handle.

Enjoy the Holidays!

Sincerely,
The Management

Lexus 455lxs---pls read. you will love it.

TABLE class=MsoNormalTable cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 border=0>

I bought a new Lexus 455lxs and returned to the dealer the next day complaining that I couldn't figure out how the radio worked. The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated.

"Watch this!", he said, "Nelson"! The Radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?"

"Willie!", he continued and "On The Road Again" came from the speakers.

Then he said, "Ray Charles!", and in an instant " Georgia On My Mind" replaced Willie Nelson.

I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd say, "Beethoven," I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said, "Beatles," I'd get one of their awesome songs.

Yesterday, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new car, but I swerved in time to avoid them. I yelled, "Ass Holes!" Immediately the Pakistani National Anthem began to play, sung by Asif Zardari and Mian Sharif, backed up by Musharaff and The PPP Party, with Imran Khan on guitar, Farzana Raja on drums, Shah Mahmood Qureshi on harmonica, Judge Chowhury on tambourine, George Bush on sax and Sherry Rehman on scotch...!

Damn, I LOVE this car!

Woman Arrest Law

Woman Arrest Law: An incident took place in Pune - a young girl was attacked by a man posing as a plain clothes officer; he asked her 2 come 2 the police station when she & her male friend didn't have a driver's license 2 show. He sent the boy off 2 get his license and asked the girl to accompany him to the police station. Took her instead to an isolated area where the horrendous crime was committed.

The law [which most of us are not aware of] clearly states that between 6 pm and 6 am, a woman has the right to REFUSE to go to the Police Station, even if an arrest warrant has been issued against her. It is a procedural issue that a woman can be arrested between 6am and 6pm, ONLY if she is arrested by a woman officer & taken to an ALL WOMEN police station. And if she is arrested by a male officer, it has to be proven that a woman officer was on duty at the time of arrest.
Please fwd this 2 as many girls you know. Also 2 boy's coz this can help them protect their wife, sisters and mother. It is good for us to know our rights.

Do not neglect, fwd to your entire buddy list.

Inner Happiness

Inner Happiness

I live in Indore, in Indias' heartland. On our way back from an adjacent town, my friend and I stopped at a highway dhaba. Placing our order, we stretched ourselves out on the cane chairs. A motley group of people occupied other tables.

As we glanced around desultorily, a ragged man sauntered in and sat down. He poured himself a glass of water from the steel jug. He drank two glasses, but ordered no food, nor did the dhaba boys ask him.

When our tea and samosas arrived, he looked at the food, filled his glass again and drank it. We saw no greed in his eyes, but it was an easy guess, that the guy was hungry and had no money.

The dhaba boy told us, "Oh! That madman comes in everyday. If he has money, he eats something; otherwise he just drinks a few glasses of water and leaves. My boss said that since water has been given to us by the Lord, we must never stop anyone drinking it at our dhaba."

This logic really touched me. I asked the boy to serve the man a plate of samosas. When he did so, the man looked at him. The boy pointed to us. The man looked at us but made no acknowledgement.

As he picked up the first samosa, a little girl in rags walked up and just stood there. He gave her the samosa, which she wolfed down. He picked up the second one and handed that to her, too. She grabbed it and ran away. He pushed away his empty plate, filled up his glass again, drank the water an walked away from the dhaba without a backward glance.

I asked myself if I were capable of a gesture like that ?

The most I could muster was, 'I HOPE SO'.

If sharing what we have in excess is generosity, then how would we describe what that madman did?

"SELFLESS LOVE ?"

It is what Intellectuals talk about and madmen practice.

*Happiness comes from spiritual wealth, and not from material wealth ...

Happiness comes from giving, not by getting.

If we try hard to bring happiness to others, we cannot stop it from coming to us also.

To get joy, we must give it; to keep joy, we must scatter it.

- John Templeton*

THE DICTIONARY

CIGARETTE:
A pinch of tobacco
rolled in paper
with fire at one end
and a fool at the other!

MARRIAGE:
It's an agreement
wherein
a man loses his bachelor degree
and a woman gains her master

DIVORCE:
Future Tense
of Marriage

LECTURE:
An art of transmitting Information
from the notes of the lecturer
to the notes of students
without passing through the minds
of either

CONFERENCE:
The confusion of one man
multiplied by the
number present

COMPROMISE:
The art of dividing
a cake in such a way that
everybody believes
he got the biggest piece

TEARS:
The hydraulic force by which
masculine will power is
defeated by feminine water-power!

DICTIONARY:
A place where divorce comes
before marriage

CONFERENCE ROOM:
A place where everybody talks,
nobody listens
and everybody disagrees later on

ECSTASY:
A feeling when you feel
you are going to feel
a feeling
you have never felt before

CLASSIC:
A book
which people praise,
but never read

SMILE:
A curve
that can set
a lot of things straight!

OFFICE:
A place
where you can relax
after your strenuous
home life

YAWN:
The only time
when some married men
ever get to open
their mouth

ETC:
A sign
to make others believe
that you know
more than
you actually do

COMMITTEE:
Individuals
who can do
nothing individually
and sit to decide
that nothing can be done
together

EXPERIENCE:
The name
men give
to their
Mistakes

ATOM BOMB:
An invention
to bring an end
to all
inventions

PHILOSOPHER:
A fool
who torments himself
during life,
to be spoken of
when dead

DIPLOMAT:
A person
who tells you
to go to hell
in such a way
that you actually look forward
to the trip

OPPORTUNIST:
A person
who starts taking bath
if he
accidentally falls
into a river

OPTIMIST:
A person
who while falling
from EIFFEL TOWER
says in midway
"SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!"

PESSIMIST:
A person
who says that
O is the last letter
in ZERO,
Instead of the first letter
in OPPORTUNITY

MISER:
A person
who lives poor
so that
he can die RICH!

FATHER:
A banker
provided by
nature

CRIMINAL:
A guy
no different
from the other,
unless he gets caught

BOSS:
Someone
who is early
when you are late
and late
when you are early

POLITICIAN:
One who
shakes your hand
before elections
and your Confidence
Later

DOCTOR:
A person
who kills
your ills
by pills,
and kills you

PLEASE READ-CAN HAPPEN TO YOU OR YOUR DEAR ONES!

Subject: Please don't avoid, read it... It can prevent happening to you or your dear ones!

Dear Brothers, Sisters, Friends and Well Wishers,

Please don't avoid, read it... It can prevent happening to you or your dear ones!

A few weeks ago, in a movie theatre, a person felt something poking from her seat. When she got up to see what it was, she found a needle sticking out of the seat with a note attached:

'You have just been infected by HIV'.

The Disease Control Center (in Paris ) reports many similar events in many other cities recently. All tested needles were HIV Positive.

The Center also reports that needles have been found in cash dispensers at public banking machines. We ask everyone to use extreme caution when faced with this kind of situation. All public chairs/seats should be inspected with vigilance and caution before use. A careful visual inspection should be enough. In addition, they ask that each of you pass this message along to all members of your family and your friends of the potential danger.

Recently, one doctor has narrated a somewhat similar instance that happened to one of his patients at the Priya Cinema in Delhi...

A young girl, engaged and about to be married in a couple of months, was pricked while the movie was going on. The tag with the needle had the message: 'Welcome to the World of HIV family'.

Though, the doctors told her family that it takes about 6 months before the virus grows strong enough to start
damaging the system and a healthy victim could survive about 5-6 years, the girl died in 4 months, perhaps more because of the 'Shock thought'.
We all have to be careful at public places, rest, God help us!

You could possibly save a life by forwarding this message. It would just take a few seconds of your time to pass along. So, please be a helping hand.

With Regards,

Arvind Khamitkar ,

I.A.S, Director of Medical & Research Div, Chennai.
From
[Shrenu "Writer of book Kalam Uthave Awaz"]

..

A Diary of a Newlywed Wife

Subject: A Diary of a Newlywed WIFE

Monday:
Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home. It's fun to cook
for Tim. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, "beat 12
eggs separately." Well, I didn't have enough bowls to do that, so I had
to borrow 12 bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine though.

Tuesday:
We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, "serve without
dressing." So I didn't dress. But Tim happened to bring a friend home
for supper that night. They both looked so startled when I served them,
I think it was the salad.

Wednesday:
I decided to serve rice and found a recipe which said, "wash thoroughly
before steaming the rice." So I heated some water and took a bath before
steaming the rice. Sounded kinda silly in the middle of the day. I can't
say it improved the rice anyhow.

Thursday:
Today Tim asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said, prepare
ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving." I
hunted all over the place for a garden and when I got one, I tossed my
salad into the bed of lettuce and stood over there for over one hour so
the dog would not take it. Tim came over and asked if I felt all right.
I wonder why? He must be stressed at work, I'll try to be supportive.

Friday:
Today I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, "put all ingredients
in a bowl and beat it." Beat it I did,to my mum's place. There must have
been something wrong with the recipe, because when I came back home
again, it looked the same as when I left it.

Saturday:
Tim went shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress
it for Sunday. I'm sure I don't know how hens dress for Sunday. I never
noticed back on the farm, but I found an old doll dress and it's little
cute shoes. I thought the hen looked really cute. When Tim saw it, he
started counting to ten. Either he was really stressed because of his
work,or he wanted the chicken to dance.When I asked him what was wrong started to cry and yelled.......... "Why me? why me ?"
Hmmm...............It must be his job.

FUNNY QUOTES

A friend in need is a pest indeed.


Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.




Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.


When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.



The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train.


Born free, taxed to death.



Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.


Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.




Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.


If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.



It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.


I love being a writer.. what I can't stand is the paperwork.



A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.


The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.



The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.


In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?



If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?


Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!



If you can't convince them, confuse them.


It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.



I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.


Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers



The cigarette does the smoking, you are just the sucker.


Someday is not a day of the week

Love "N" Marriage : The Truth

HONG KONG

http://61226. com/share/ hk.swf

TIPS FOR DEM' LADIES]

-

Everyone should take 5 minutes to read this. It may save your life or
loved one's life.

Because of recent abductions

in daylight hours, refresh yourself

of these things to do

in an emergency situation...

This is for you,

and for you to share

with your wife,

your children,

everyone you know.

After reading these 9 crucial tips ,

forward them to someone you care about.

It never hurts to be careful in this crazy world we live in.

1 . Tip fromTae Kwon Do :

The elbow is the strongest point

on your body.

If you are close enough to use it, do!

2. If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse,

DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM .

Toss it away from you....

chances are that he is more interested

in your wallet and/or purse than you,

and he will go for the wallet/purse.

RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car,

kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole

and start waving like crazy.

The driver won't see you, but everybody else will.

This has saved lives.


4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars

after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit

(doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc.)

DON'T DO THIS!

The predator will be watching you, and this

is the perfect opportunity for him to get in

on the passenger side, put a gun to your head,

and tell you where to go.

AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR,

LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE.

If someone

is in the car

with a gun

to your head

DO NOT DRIVE OFF,

repeat:

DO NOT DRIVE OFF!

Instead start the engine

and speed into anything, wrecking the car.

Your Air Bag will save you.

If the person is in the back seat

they will get the worst of it.

As soon as the car crashes

get out and run.

It is better than having them find your body

in a remote location.


5 . A few notes about getting

into your car in a parking lot,

or parking garage:

A.) Be aware:

look around you,

look into your car,

at the passenger side floor ,

and in the back seat

B.) If you are parked next to a big van,

enter your car from the passenger door .

Some serial killers attack their victims

by pulling them into their vans while the women

are attempting to get into their cars.

C.) Look at the car

parked on the driver's side of your vehicle,

and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone

in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back

and get someone -

guard/policeman to walk you back out.

IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)


6. ALWAYS take the elevator

instead of the stairs.

(Stairwells are horrible places to be alone

and the perfect crime spot.

This is especially true at NIGHT!)


7. If the predator has a gun

and you are not under his control,

ALWAYS RUN!

The predator will only hit you (a running target)

4 in 100 times; And even then,

it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ.

RUN, Preferably in a zig -zag pattern!


8. As women, we are always trying

to be sympathetic:

STOP

It may get you raped, or killed.

Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking,

well educated man, who ALWAYS played

on the sympathy of unsuspecting women.

He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often

asked 'for help' into his vehicle or with his vehicle,

which is when he abducted
his next victim.

9. Another Safety Point:

Someone just told me that her friend heard

a crying baby on her porch the night before last,

and she called the police because it was late

and she thought it was weird. The police told her

'Whatever you do, DO NOT

open the door.'

The lady then said that it sounded like the baby

had crawled near a window, and she was worried

that it would crawl to the street and get run over.

The policeman said, 'We already have a unit on the way,

whatever you do, DO NOT open the door.'

He told her that they think a serial killer

has a baby's cry recorded and uses it to coax

women out of their homes thinking that someone

dropped off a baby He said they have not verified it,

but have had several calls by women saying that

they hear baby's cries outside their doors

when they're home alone at night.

Please pass this on and DO NOT open the door

for a crying baby ----

The Crying Baby theory was mentioned on America's Most Wanted this past
Saturday when they profiled the serial killer in Louisiana


I'd like you to forward this to all the women you know.

It may save a life. A candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle.

I was going to send this to the ladies only,

but guys, if you love your mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, etc.,

you may want to pass it onto them, as well.


Send this to any woman you know that may need

to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it

and it's better to be safe than sorry..

Everyone should take 5 minutes to read this. It may save your life or love
one's life.

Armless Girl Gets A Pilot License

Jessica Cox, 25, a girl born without arms, stands inside an aircraft. The girl from Tucson, Arizona got the Sport Pilot certificate lately and became the first pilot licensed to fly using only her feet.

Jessica Cox of Tucson was born without arms, but that has only stopped her from doing one thing: using the word "can't."

Her latest flight into the seemingly impossible is becoming the first pilot licensed to fly using only her feet.

With one foot manning the controls and the other delicately guiding the steering column, Cox, 25, soared to achieve a Sport Pilot certificate. Her certificate qualifies her to fly a light-sport aircraft to altitudes of 10,000 feet.

"She's a good pilot. She's rock solid," said Parrish Traweek, 42, the flying instructor at San Manuel's Ray Blair Airport.

Parrish Traweek runs PC Aircraft Maintenance and Flight Services and has trained many pilots, some of whom didn't come close to Cox's abilities.

"When she came up here driving a car," Traweek recalled, "I knew she'd have no problem flying a plane."

Doctors never learned why she was born without arms, but she figured out early on that she didn't want to use prosthetic devices

Obama sing to Hillary

Yashomati Yashomati maiya se bole Obama:

"Hillary kyun gori........... Mai kyun Kala"!



GREAT INTERNET QUOTATIONS

Home is where you hang your @.

The e-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.

A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.

You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.

Great groups from little icons grow.

Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.

C: is the root of all directories.

Don't put all your hypes in one home page.

Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish.

The modem is the message.

Too many clicks spoil the browse.

The geek shall inherit the earth.

A chat has nine lives.

Don't byte off more than you can view.

Fax is stranger than fiction.

What boots up must come down.

Windows will never cease.

Virtual reality is its own reward.

Modulation in all things.

A user and his leisure time are soon parted.

There's no place like home.com.

Know what to expect before you connect.

Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice.

NEVER ARGUE WITH A WOMAN

Never argue with a Woman One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, And begins to read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent. Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?' 'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?') 'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her. 'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.' 'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.' 'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman. 'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden. 'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.' 'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left. MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think. Send this to four women who are thinkers. If you receive this, you know you're intelligent

Woh College Ke Din ....

1. On being Late

(standing at the door... gesturing to a friend) "Andar aaon kya? Kab chalu hua?"
"Attendance ho gaya kya??"
"I was searching for the Classroom"
"Train was late"


2. During the lecture

"Prateek ka assignment 2 tere paas hai??"
"Kya bore ho raha hai. Bola tha bunk karenge."
"Heads, we go home, Tails, we go home now!!!"
"Journal sheet hai??"

3. Lab

"Expt. 2 likha??"
"Idhar Karna kya hai??"


4. Unit Test

"Oh F***!!! Itna syllabus cover ho gaya?"
"Aaj kounsa test hai?"


5. For attendance (less attendance isliye attendance badane ke liye bahane)

"I forgot the I-card , so watchman didn't let me in"

6. Late submission of assignments

"Maine Abhijit ko bola thaa ki copy karke mera assgnment bhi saath mein submit kar dena"
"Electronix ka last date extend hua thaa"
"I didn't know the last date"


7. Late submission of Journal (for printouts)

"Format pataa nahi thaa"
"Printer is not working today"
"Friday ko light nahi thee"


8. VIVA (after exam)

"Yeh bhi syllabus mein thaa kya?"
"Achha !!! ye aise hota hai kya?"
"Ye subject ka reference book kounsa hai"
"Vidyalankar mein to alag hai"


9. VIVA (b4 exam)

"Submission ab tak hua nahi hai , VIVA kya ghanta doonga"
"Dekh Boss!! external bhi aadmi hai. Usko pata hai students ka ab tak preparation nahi hua hai"


10. VIVA (General)

"Dekh , tu jo bhi padhega , woh (external) tereko woh nahi poochhnewaala, then watz the point"
"Roll no. 1 aur 2 ko wapas bulaaya hai"
"External is asking Bermuda Triangle ka Magnetic force kitna hai"
"Ye kounse subject mein aata hai"
"Aaj kounsa Viva hai?"

11. Submission

"Ye bhi chhapna hai kya?"
"Iska bhi print-out lena hai kya?"
"Tujhe Sir ka sign aata hai kya?"

12. A convo:
"Ye tune kya likha hai????"
"Jo word samajh mein aa raha hai woh likh, jo nahi samajh mein aa raha hai uska drawing nikal"
"Phir bhi, kuch to idea hoga??"
"Maine Ashish se likha hai, mera assignment check ho gaya, tu bhi wohi kar. Jo word samajh mein aa raha hai woh likh , jo nahi samajh mein aa
raha hai woh chhod de."

13. Exam

"Jo (mujhe)aata hai, woh (paper mein)aata nahi hai; jo nahi aata hai woh aata hai"
"ye question 2 saal se nahi poochha hai"
"ye last time hi poochha thaa"
"tere paas Jejurkar ke notes hai??"
"woh chapter... mark weightage 6 marks... (facial ex-pressions speaks the story)"
"nahi samjha to rat le"
(when someone is intensively doing his last revision) "Yeh nahi aayega !!!"

__._,_.___

Salesmen and my brother's word

Salesmen and my brother's word


Responsibilities
that come with a joint family,
bringing up children and countryside life
weighed upon me since childhood.
I never missed the much-needed siesta Sunday afternoon.


The doorbell rang,
I opened it.
A young man with a bag and a forced smile
on his tired face started rattling away.
"Sir, I'm a representative of a reputed company.
Our products are the latest.
It has not entered the open market yet.
I'll show, they are cheap, you'll surely like it..."
He spoke breathlessly.

Disturbed from my cherished nap, I was irritated.
I signalled him to stop.
"Now will you just stop talking and listen to what I have to say?"
I snapped.
He stopped.
"I am not going to buy anything from you.
Please excuse me, let me close the door." I said.

My college going brother Vinayak,
came out of his room.
"Dada, go and rest, I'll handle this," he offered.

He opened the door wide.
The handsome man in his twenties
was well dressed top to toe.

The only thing that marred his executive look
was the overloaded shoulder bag.

While he spoke he shifted it from shoulder to shoulder.
Beads of perspiration threatened to fall off his forehead and face.

Vinayak,
with a pleasant smile,
invited him to come in and sit down.
Placing the heavy bag on the floor,
he took out a clean handkerchief
and wiped the sweat off his face and hands.

He was given a glass of water that he drank gratefully.
The salesman opened his bag and showed his products.
Just to oblige him,

Vinayak bought an item paying with his pocket money.
"It is cool in here,"
he said while packing his bag.

He stood up.
"Very nice of you, thanks,"
he said while they shook hands.

In the scorching heat of the summer sun
that young man went his way,
to knock at yet another door,
which may or may not open for him.

Vinayak, as a rule,
is a quiet person but
that night at dinner he surprised all of us.

"Dada, several educated men and women,
without wasting their time have started trying
their hands at new ventures.
Gone are the days when we looked only beyond borders for jobs.

Today's youth is struggling for survival.
In our search for identity and independence
we are compelled to shed off outdated norms.
We have awakened to realise that
there is dignity in labour.

Self-respect means, learning to stand on our own feet."
He paused,
we were silently listening.
"Dada, please don't view youngsters with scorn and suspicion.
Don't brush aside our sincere efforts
as immature experiments.
Never misunderstand us.
Give us encouragement and inspiration.
We won't burden parents.

Let not our attire and attitude put you off.
We are part of you.
We want to be useful, prove ourselves and
win your appreciation.
Please don't allow that evil thing called
'Generation gap' hurl us away from you,"
he requested.

Years have flown.
When I open the door for salesmen,
my brother's words echo in my ears.
I am very polite with them.

Michelangelo's David‏

After a 2 year stay in the USA

Michelangelo' s David returns to Italy

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