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Call to Help Desk

Caller: Hi, our printer is not working.
Help Desk: What is wrong with it?
Caller: Mouse is jammed.
Help Desk: Mouse? And how it is related to printer?
Caller: Mmmm.. Wait, I will send Screen Shot.

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FW: THE GLOBAL COLLAPSE IN TERMS WE CAN UNDERSTAND

All the finance guys pl read

The financial crisis explained in simple terms............................. Heidi is the proprietor of a bar in Berlin. In order to increase sales, she decides to allow her loyal customers - most of whom are unemployed alcoholics - to drink now but pay later. She keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers loans). Word gets around and as a result increasing numbers of customers flood into Heidi's bar. Taking advantage of her customers' freedom from immediate payment constraints, Heidi increases her prices for wine and beer, the most-consumed beverages. Her sales volume increases massively. A young and dynamic customer service consultant at the local bank recognizes these customer debts as valuable future assets and increases Heidi's borrowing limit. He sees no reason for undue concern since he has the debts of the alcoholics as collateral. At the bank's corporate headquarters, expert bankers transform these customer assets into DRINKBONDS, ALKBONDS and PUKEBONDS. These securities are then traded on markets worldwide. No one really understands what these abbreviations mean and how the securities are guaranteed. Nevertheless, as their prices continuously climb, the securities become top-selling items. One day, although the prices are still climbing, a risk manager (subsequently of course fired due his negativity) of the bank decides that slowly the time has come to demand payment of the debts incurred by the drinkers at Heidi's bar. However they cannot pay back the debts. Heidi cannot fulfill her loan obligations and claims bankruptcy. DRINKBOND and ALKBOND drop in price by 95 %. PUKEBOND performs better, stabilizing in price after dropping by 80 %. The suppliers of Heidi's bar, having granted her generous payment due dates and having invested in the securities are faced! with a new situation. Her wine supplier claims bankruptcy, her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor. The bank is saved by the Government following dramatic round-the-clock consultations by leaders from the governing political parties. The funds required for this purpose are obtained by a tax levied on the non-drinkers. Finally an explanation I understand...

LAUGHS

bengali jokes
After all the Sardar jokes we had Mallu jokes. Now
it's the turn of the 'Bongs'!!!!

What do you call:

A mad Bengali? ---- In Sen.

A dark Bengali who lives in a cave? ---- Kalidas Guha.

A Bengali mobster? -----Rob in Ganguli.

A perfumed Bengali? ----Chandan Dass

A Bengali goldsmith? ---- Shonar Bongla.

What's bigger than the state of Bengal? --- The
Bay of Bengal.

An angry Bengali letter?--- Chitti-chitti Bong Bong.

A talkative Bengali?---Bulbul Chatterjee.
An outlawed Bengali? --- Kanoon Banerjee or Bonduk
> > Bannerjee.
> > >
An enlightened Bengali? ---- Jyoti Basu.
> > >
A stupid Bengali girl? --- Balika Buddhu.
A Bengali marriage? --- Bedding.
> What do you call a Bengali who takes bribe? --- Mr.
> Ghoosh.
> > >
> > > What does a ghati call a burping Bong? ----
> > Mukhopadhaya.
> > >
> > > How does the Bong learn the alphabet?----A for Orange,
> > B for Begetable....

How does a Bong relax in the evening? ---- He goes to
> the Howrah Brij to get some Breej.
> > >
What does a Bong with a broken heart say?--- "My
> > hurt is hearting"
And finally,
What do you call a Bengali who works? ---- A work of fiction.

amazing DAARU..........symptom/cause/cure

1. Symptom: Cold and humid feet.
Cause: Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the drink on your feet).
Cure: Maneuver glass until open end is facing upward.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2. Symptom: The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause: You're lying on the floor.
Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

3. Symptom: The floor looks blurry.
Cause: You're looking through an empty glass.
Cure: Quickly refill your Glass.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

4. Symptom: The floor is moving.
Cause: You're being dragged away.
Cure: At least ask where they're taking you.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

5. Symptom: You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause: You have your glass on your ear.
Cure: Take it to your mouth !

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

6. Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the music is very repetitive.
Cause: You're in an ambulance.
Cure: Don't move. Let the professionals do their job.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

7. Symptom: Your dad and all your brothers look strange.
Cause: You're in the wrong house.
Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thanks

( Issued in intrest of all India Sharab Consumer Forum-Uzbekistan,

Tullee ho Vyapar Sangh-Italy)

Foods that Heal ( MUST READ - INFORMATION )

Apples

Protects your heart

prevents constipation

Blocks diarrhea

Improves lung capacity

Cushions joints

***********

Apricots

Combats cancer

Controls blood pressure

Saves your eyesight

Shields against Alzheimer's

Slows aging process

***********

Artichokes

Aids digestion

Lowers cholesterol

Protects your heart

Stabilizes blood sugar

Guards against liver disease

***********

Avocadoes

Battles diabetes

Lowers cholesterol

Helps stops strokes

Controls blood pressure

Smoothes skin

***********

Bananas

Protects your heart

Quiets a cough

Strengthens bones

Controls blood pressure

Blocks diarrhea

***********

Beans

Prevents constipation

Helps hemorrhoids

Lowers cholesterol

Combats cancer

Stabilizes blood sugar

***********

Beets

Controls blood pressure

Combats cancer

Strengthens bones

Protects your heart

Aids weight loss

***********

Blueberries

Combats cancer

Protects your heart

Stabilizes blood sugar

Boosts memory

Prevents constipation

***********

Broccoli

Strengthens bones

Saves eyesight

Combats cancer

Protects your heart

Controls blood pressure

***********

Cabbage

Combats cancer

Prevents constipation

Promotes weight loss

Protects your heart

Helps hemorrhoids

***********

Cantaloupe

Saves eyesight

Controls blood pressure

Lowers cholesterol

Combats cancer

Supports immune system

***********

Carrots

Saves eyesight

Protects your heart

Prevents constipation

Combats cancer

Promotes weight loss

***********

Cauliflower

Protects against Prostate Cancer

Combats Breast Cancer

Strengthens bones

Banishes bruises

Guards against heart disease

***********

Cherries

Protects your heart

Combats Cancer

Ends insomnia

Slows aging process

Shields against Alzheimer's

***********

Chestnuts

Promotes weight loss

Protects your heart

Lowers cholesterol

Combats Cancer

Controls blood pressure

***********

Chili Peppers

Aids digestion

Soothes sore throat

Clears sinuses

Combats Cancer

Boosts immune system

***********

Figs

Promotes weight loss

Helps stops strokes

Lowers cholesterol

Combats Cancer

Controls blood pressure

***********

Fish

Protects your heart

Boosts memory

Protects your heart

Combats Cancer

Supports immune system

***********

Flax

Aids digestion

Battles diabetes

Protects your heart

Improves mental health

Boosts immune system

***********

Garlic

Lowers cholesterol

Controls blood pressure

Combats cancer

kills bacteria

Fights fungus

***********

Grapefruit

Protects against heart attacks

Promotes Weight loss

Helps stops strokes

Combats Prostate Cancer

Lowers cholesterol

***********

Grapes

saves eyesight

Conquers kidney stones

Combats cancer

Enhances blood flow

Protects your heart

***********

Green Tea

Combats cancer

Protects your heart

Helps stops strokes

Promotes Weight loss

Kills bacteria

***********

Honey

Heals wounds

Aids digestion

Guards against ulcers

Increases energy

Fights allergies

***********

Lemons

Combats cancer

Protects your heart

Controls blood pressure

Smoothes skin

Stops scurvy

***********

Limes

Combats cancer

Protects your heart

Controls blood pressure

Smoothes skin

Stops scurvy

***********

Mangoes

Combats cancer

Boosts memory

Regulates thyroid

aids digestion

Shields against Alzheimer's

***********

Mushrooms

Controls blood pressure

Lowers cholesterol

Kills bacteria

Combats cancer

Strengthens bones

***********

Oats

Lowers cholesterol

Combats cancer

Battles diabetes

prevents constipation

Smoothes skin

***********

Olive Oil

Protects your heart

Promotes Weight loss

Combats cancer

Battles diabetes

Smoothes skin

***********

Onions

Reduce risk of heart attack

Combats cancer

Kills bacteria

Lowers cholesterol

Fights fungus

***********

Oranges

Supports immune systems

Combats cancer

Protects your heart

Strengthens respiration

***********

Peaches

prevents constipation

Combats cancer

Helps stops strokes

aids digestion

Helps hemorrhoids

***********

Peanuts

Protects against heart disease

Promotes Weight loss

Combats Prostate Cancer

Lowers cholesterol

Aggravates

diverticulitis

***********

Pineapple

Strengthens bones

Relieves colds

Aids digestion

Dissolves warts

Blocks diarrhea

***********

Prunes

Slows aging process

prevents constipation

boosts memory

Lowers cholesterol

Protects against heart disease

***********

Rice

Protects your heart

Battles diabetes

Conquers kidney stones

Combats cancer

Helps stops strokes

***********

Strawberries

Combats cancer

Protects your heart

boosts memory

Calms stress

***********

Sweet Potatoes

Saves your eyesight

Lifts mood

Combats cancer

Strengthens bones

***********

Tomatoes

Protects prostate

Combats cancer

Lowers cholesterol

Protects your heart

***********

Walnuts

Lowers cholesterol

Combats cancer

boosts memory

Lifts mood

Protects against heart disease

***********

Water

Promotes Weight loss

Combats cancer

Conquers kidney stones

Smoothes skin

***********

Watermelon

Protects prostate

Promotes Weight loss

Lowers cholesterol

Helps stops strokes

Controls blood pressure

Are you smarter than a Kindergartner ????....

GOOD ONE---
Eighty percent of Kindergartners solved this riddle, but only 5% of Stanford graduates figured it out!

Can you answer the following questions? in one same word?
1. The word has seven letters...
2. Preceded God...
3. Greater than God...
4. More Evil than the devil...
5. All poor people have it...
6. Wealthy people need it...
7. If you eat it, you will die.




Did you figure it out?



Try hard before looking at the answers

Did you get it yet?

Give up?




Brace yourself for the answer....

The Answer is:


NOTHING! NOTHING has 7 letters.
NOTHING preceded God.
NOTHING is greater than God.
NOTHING is more Evil than the devil.
All poor people have NOTHING.
Wealthy people need NOTHING.
If you eat NOTHING, you will die.


Send this Brain Teaser to your Smart friends and see if they can.

THE BATHTUB TEST

The Bathtub Test

During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the "Director how do
You determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized."

'Well,' said the Director, 'we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.'

'Oh, I understand,' I said. 'A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.'

'No.' said the Director, 'A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?'

ARE YOU GOING TO PASS THIS ON, OR DO YOU WANT THE BED NEXT TO MINE?