Criticision : What If Titanic sank Today? ( HUMOR )

Criticision : What If Titanic sank Today?

Reaction from different countries:

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U.S.A:

"A ship coming to Freedom was attacked by terrorists.

We will not sit quiet and we will teach them a lesson.

Bin Laden you can run but you cannot hide we will find you and destroy your Al-Qaeda network."

(President Bush........whoelse?)

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U.K:

"I have spoken to the President of United States and we have both agreed that the sinking of Titanic is significant prove that Saddam Hussein is clearly behind this attack, Iraq is imposing a threat to the world and this has to be dealt with."

(Prime Minister Blair)


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Iraq:

"LOL!!!" (President Saddam Hussain)


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Israel:

"These Hamas and other terrorist network is enough evidence to say that sinking of Titanic is not an accident but it was their suicide bombers who have commited such a crime.

We will now impose curfew on the Palestinians, detain them, exile them, kill them, starve them, destroy their homes and refugee camps."

(Ariel Sharon....)

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Canada:

"Titanic who?" (Canadian Prime Minister)


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India:

"Is mein Pakistan ka haath hai. We have received passports of Pakistani extremists from the Titanic debris.

Pakistanis will have to pay for such horrendous act of terrorism. We are now deploying more soldiers to the border."

(Prime Minister Vajpayee)


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Pakistan:

"Sind may Double Sawari per ghair muayyana muddat ke liye pabandi"

(President Musharraf)

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UN:

"Shit happens right??"

(Sec.Gen. Kofi Annan)


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Survivors:

"Uhh. Helllooo. Is anyone listening...it was an iceberg..hellloooooo."

JOKES

A little girl asked her father: 'How did the human race appear?'

The father answered, 'God made Adam and Eve; they had children; and so was all mankind made.'

Two days later the girl asked her mother the same question.

The mother answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.'

The confused girl returned to her father and said, 'Dad, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Mom said they developed from monkeys?'

The father answered, 'Well, Dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family, and your mother told you about hers.'

One afternoon a Lawyer was driving home when he saw a man eating grass by the side of the road "Why are doing that?" the lawyer asked.

"I don't have any money for food"'the man replied.

"Oh,then you must come with me"."But,Sir,I have a wife and five children."

"They are all welcom".


So the family got in the lawyer's car and he sped off towards his mansion. "you're so kind to help so many people"'the wife gushed during the journey.

"It's fine". said the lawyer. "I haven't cut my grass in weeks".

DEADLY SCRABBLE

This has got to be one of the most clever E-mails I've received in awhile. Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble. (Wait till you see the last one)! DILIP VENGSARKAR When you rearrange the letters: SPARKLING DRIVE PRINCESS DIANA When you rearrange the letters: END IS A CAR SPIN MONICA LEWINSKY When you rearrange the letters: NICE SILKY WOMAN DORMITORY : When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROO M ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER THE EYES: When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE GEORGE BUSH : When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE SLOT MACHINES : When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME ANIMOSITY : When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY ELECTION RESULTS: When you rearrange the letters: LIES - LET'S RECOUNT SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: IM A DOT IN PLACE THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE: MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER

Boss Kidnapped

Boss Kidnapped

Employees of a Company are all worried. Some are roaming around. Some are in
loud discussions during office time.....

Some Trainees, who had just joined, notice this and enquire about what happened
to a senior employee, they ask, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped our Boss"

They're asking for Rs.10 Crores ransom, otherwise they're going to
douse him with petrol and set him on fire.

Some Trainees, who had just joined, notice this and enquire about what happened
to a senior employee, they ask, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped our Boss"

They're asking for Rs.10 Crores ransom, otherwise they're going to
douse him with petrol and set him on fire.

We're going from desk to desk, taking up a collection."

One Trainee asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?

.

.

.

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RHYMING COUPLETS

Rhyming couplets

A local newspaper (in England) ran a competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line... But the least romantic second line.

Here are some of the entries they received.

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My feelings for you no words can tell,

Except for maybe "go to hell"

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Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.

But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

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Oh loving beauty you float with grace

If only you could hide your face

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Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;

This describes everything you are not

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I want to feel your sweet embrace

But don't take that paper bag off of your face

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I love your smile, your face, and your eyes -

Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

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I see your face when I am dreaming.

That's why I always wake up screaming

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My love, you take my breath away.

What have you stepped in to smell this way

Especially to people who are about to get married

#CASE 1

Getting married is like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

#CASE 2

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger??" The other replied, "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."

#CASE 3

Before a man is married, he is incomplete. Then when he is married, he is finished.

#CASE 4

Marriage is an institution in which a man losses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's status.

#CASE 5

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married??" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm

still paying for it."

#CASE 6

Young son : "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"

Dad : "That happens in most countries son."

#CASE 7

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and then it was too late."

#CASE 8

A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes

#CASE 9

When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why. Affair ?

#CASE 10

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

#CASE 11

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." And the Husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."

#CASE 12

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified : "Wife wanted". The next day, he received hundreds letters. They all said the same thing "You can have mine."

#CASE 13

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing : either the car is new or his wife is new.

#CASE 14

A woman was telling her friend : "It is I who made my husband a millionaire."

"And what was he before you married him?" the friend asked. The woman replied, "A Billionaire."

Economic models explained with cows

>
> Economic Models explained with Cows
>
> SOCIALISM
> You have 2 cows.
> You give one to your neighbour.
>
> COMMUNISM
> You have 2 cows.
> The State takes both and gives you some milk.
>
> FASCISM
> You have 2 cows.
> The State takes both and sells you some milk.
>
> NAZISM
> You have 2 cows.
> The State takes both and shoots you.
>
> BUREAUCRATISM
> You have 2 cows.
> The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the
> milk away...
>
> TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
> You have two cows.
> You sell one and buy a bull.
> Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
> You sell them and retire on the income.
>
> SURREALISM
> You have two giraffes.
> The government requires you to take harmonica lessons
>
> AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
> You have two cows.
> You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
> Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.
>
> ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
> You have two cows.
> You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of
> credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a
> debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all
> four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
> The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a
> Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who
> sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
> The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on
> one more.
> You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving
> you with nine cows.
> No balance sheet provided with the release.
> The public then buys your bull.
>
> A FRENCH CORPORATION
> You have two cows.
> You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want
> three cows.
>
> A JAPANESE CORPORATION
> You have two cows.
> You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
> produce twenty times the milk.
> You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market
> it worldwide.
>
>
>
>
>
>
> A GERMAN CORPORATION
>
>
> You have two cows.
>
>
> You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and
> milk themselves.
>
>
>
>
>
> AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
>
>
> You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
>
>
> You decide to have lunch.
>
>
>
>
>
> A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
>
>
> You have two cows.
>
>
> You count them and learn you have five cows.
>
>
> You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
>
>
> You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
>
>
> You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
>
>
>
>
>
> A SWISS CORPORATION
>
>
> You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
>
>
> You charge the owners for storing them.
>
>
>
>
>
> A CHINESE CORPORATION
>
>
> You have two cows.
>
>
> You have 300 people milking them.
>
>
> You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
>
>
> You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
>
>
>
>
>
> AN INDIAN CORPORATION
>
>
> You have two cows.
>
>
> You worship them.
>
>
>
>
>
> A BRITISH CORPORATION
>
>
> You have two cows.
>
>
> Both are mad.
>
>
>
>
>
> AN IRAQI CORPORATION
>
>
> Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
>
>
> You tell them that you have none.
>
>
> No-one believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your
> country.
>
>
> You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy....
>
>
>
>
>
> THE TALIBAN
>
>
> You have two cows. You turn them loose in the Afghan "countryside" and
> they both die. You blame the godless American infidels.
>
> AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
> You have two cows.
> Business seems pretty good.
> You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
>
> A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
> You have two cows.
> The one on the left looks very attractive.
>
>
>