Humour : Different types of Marketting

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to
her and say: "I am very rich.
"Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing..."

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2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a
gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and
pointing at you says: "He's very rich.
"Marry him." -That's Advertising..."

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3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to
her and get her telephone number. The next day, you
call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich.
"Marry me - That's Telemarketing..."

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4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up
and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour
her a drink, you open the door (of the car)"Marry Me?" - That's Public Relations..."

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5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks
up to you and says:"You are very rich!
"Can you marry ! me?" - That's Brand Recognition..."

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6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to
her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you
a nice hard slap on your face. - "That's Customer Feedback..."

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7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to
her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she
introduces you to her husband. - "That's demand and supply gap..."

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8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to
her and before you say anything, another person come
and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she
goes with him - "That's competition eating into your market share..."

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9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to
her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your
wife arrives. - "That's restriction for entering new markets..."

Who owns Kashmir?

WHO OWNS KASHMIR ?

An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in the United Nations Assembly that made the world community smile. A representative from India began:

'Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Rishi Kashyap of Kashmir, after whom Kashmir is named. When Rishi Kashyap struck a rock and it brought forth water, he thought,'What a good opportunity to have a bath.' He took off his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water. When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished. A Pakistani had stolen them.

The Pakistani representative jumped up furiously and in support of Pakistan, he shouted, 'What are you talking about? The Pakistanis weren't there then.'

Marriage woes

Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.
------------ --------- --------- ----
Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
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Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
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It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
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It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women
and then he turns them into Wives.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
If u r married please ignore this msg,
for everyone else: Happy Independence Day
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Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say.
After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish.
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There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking.
It's called marriage.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Girlfriends r like chocolates,
taste good anytime.
Lovers r like PIZZAS, Hot n spicy, eaten frequently.
Husbands r like leftovers, eaten when there's no choice.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Q: Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would
go through hell for her. They got married and now he is going thru hell.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying & the other ensures you
continue to do so for the rest of your life!
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Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence!
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Here comes the Ultimate One :)
Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.

Confusing English Language

Hey read this, its really very interesting........ Some of CONFUSING ENGLISH make me headache, would u help me? 1. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? 2. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks? 3. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from? 4. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? 5. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? 6. Why the man who invests all your money called a broker? 7. If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible? 8. Why is it called building when it is already built? 9. If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success? 10. If you're not supposed to drink and drive, then why do bars have parking lots? 11. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? 12. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?? Human ?? 13. If working hours are meant for working, then why are you reading this?? Well, get back to WORK now!!

3 Parrots

3 Parrots

A man wanted to buy his son a parrot as a birthday present.
The next day he went to the pet shop and saw
three identical parrots in a cage.

He asked the clerk, "how much for the parrot on the right?

The owner said it was Rs. 2500.
"Rs. 2500.", the man said. "Well what does he do?
"He knows how to use all of the functions of Microsoft Office 2000, responds the clerk.
"He can do all of your spreadsheets and type all of your letters."

The man then asked what the second parrot cost.

The clerk replied, Rs. 5000, but he not only knows Office 2000,

but is an expert computer programmer.

Finally, the man inquired about the cost of the last parrot.
The clerk replied, "Rs. 10,000."
Curious as to how a bird can cost Rs. 10,000, the man asked what this bird's specialty was.
The clerk replies, "Well to be honest I haven't seen him do anything.

But the other two call him "BOSS"!!

Men will be men but women

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit
> the ball
> >> into
> >>> the woods. She
> >>> went into the woods to look for it & found
> a frog
> >> in a
> >>> trap. The frog told
> >>> her, 'If you release me from this trap, I
> will
> >> grant
> >>> you three wishes.' The
> >>> woman freed the frog, & the frog said,
> 'Thank
> >> you,
> >>> but I failed to mention
> >>> that there was a condition to your
> wishes.'
> >>>
> >>> Whatever you wish for, your husband will get
> times
> >> ten! The
> >>> woman said,
> >>> 'That's okay.' For her first wish,
> she
> >> wanted
> >>> to be the most beautiful woman
> >>> in the world. The frog warned her, 'You do
> realize
> >> that
> >>> this wish will also
> >>> make your husband the most handsome man in the
> world,
> >> an
> >>> Adonis whom women
> >>> will flock to.' The woman replied,
> 'That's
> >>> okay, because I will be the most
> >>> beautiful woman & he will have eyes only
> for
> >> me.'
> >>> So, KAZAM-she's the most
> >>> beautiful Woman in the world! For her second
> wish, she
> >>> wanted to be the
> >>> richest woman in the world. The frog said,
> 'That
> >> will
> >>> make your husband the
> >>> richest man in the world. And he will be ten
> times
> >> richer
> >>> than you.' The
> >>> woman said, 'That's okay, because
> what's
> >> mine
> >>> is his & what's his is mine.'
> >>> So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the
> world!
> >> The
> >>> frog then inquired about
> >>> her third wish, & she answered,
> 'I'd like
> >> a
> >>> mild heart attack.'
> >>>
> >>> Moral of the story: Women are clever.
> Don't mess
> >> with
> >>> them. *
> >>>
> >>> Attention female readers: This is the end of
> the joke
> >> for
> >>> you. Stop here &
> >>> continue feeling good. *
> >>>
> >>> *Male readers: Please scroll down...
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> *
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> The man had a heart attack ten times *MILDER*
> than his
> >>> wife!!!
> >>>
> >>> Moral of the story: Women think they're
> really
> >> smart.
> >>>
> >>> PS: If you are a woman & are still reading
> this;
> >> it
> >>> only goes to show that
> >>> women never listen!!!
> >>>
> >>> Forward this to all the guys for a good laugh,
> and to
> >> all
> >>> the ladies who
> >>> have a good sense of humour.
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>

IT MAKES SENSE

Now if you think of it,

it really makes sense.

Rational and sensible things

but you'll just laugh it off.... WHY???

Ain't all sensible things ought to be followed?? huh?

1. If time doesn't wait for you, don't worry!
Just remove the damn battery from the clock and Enjoy life!

2. Expecting the world to treat u fairly coz u r a good person is like
expecting the lion not to attack u coz u r a vegetarian. Think about it.

3. Beauty isn't measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear,
but what we are inside.

So, try going out naked tomorrow and see the admiration!

4. Don't walk as if you rule the world,
walk as if you don't care who rules the world!
That's called Attitude…! Keep on rocking!

5. Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did
and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did!!!

6. He was a good man. He never smoked, drank had no affair.
When he died, the insurance company refused the claim.
They said, he who never lived, cannot die!

7. A man threw his wife in a pond of Crocodiles?
He's now being harassed by the Animal Rights Activists for being cruel to the Crocodiles!

8. So many options for suicide:
Poison, sleeping pills, hanging,
jumping from a building, lying on train tracks, but we chose Marriage, slow... sure!

9. Only 20 percent boys have brains, rest have girlfriends!

10. All desirable things in life are either
illegal, banned, expensive or married to someone else!

11. Laziness is our biggest enemy- Jawaharlal Nehru
We should learn to love our enemies- Mahatma Gandhi
Ab aap bataaye kiski sune bapu di ya chacha di???

12. When things go wrong, when sadness fills your heart,
When tears flows from your eyes always say these words…
Eh Ganpat, chal daru la…

13. 10% of road accidents are due to drunken driving.
Which makes it a logical statement that
90% of accidents are due to driving without drinking!