WHAT A REPLY?

What A Reply!!!!

A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his car.

The mechanic shouted across the garage,"Hello Doctor!! Please come over here for a minute."
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me is doing basically the same work? "


The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic.....

.
.
.
.
.
.


He said: "Try to do it when the engine is running ".

Riddles

If you have it, you want to share it. If you share it, you don't have it. What is it?

A secret.

The more you have of it, the less you see. What is it?

Darkness

What book was once owned by only the wealthy, but now everyone can have it?
You can't buy it in a bookstore or take it from a library.

A telephone book.

What gets whiter the dirtier that it gets?

A chalkboard

What happened in the middle of the twentieth century that will not happen again for 4,000 years?

The year 1961 can be read upside down and that won't happen again until 6009!

What has no beginning, end, or middle?

A doughnut.

What has to be broken before it can be used?

An egg.

What does no man want, yet no man wants to lose?

Work - Employment

How many bricks does it take to complete a building made of brick?

Only one, the last one.

What is everything to someone, and nothing to everyone else?

Your mind.

Big as a biscuit, deep as a cup, even a river can't fill it up. What is it?

A kitchen strainer.

What goes up and never comes down?

Your age.

What's the greatest worldwide use of cowhide?

To cover cows.

What's long and thin, covered in skin; red in parts, and put in tarts?

Rhubarb.

What has feet and legs, and nothing else?

Stockings

What is the moon worth?

$1, because it has 4 quarters.

What grows when it eats, but dies when it drinks?

A candle.

What stays where it is when it goes off?

An alarm clock

You heard me before, yet you hear me again. Then I die, 'til you call me again. What am I?

An echo

I never was, I am always to be,
No one ever saw me, nor ever will
And yet I am the confidence of all
To live and breathe on this terrestrial ball
What am I?

I am Tomorrow

Question

The beginning of eternity
The end of time and space
The beginning of every end,
And the end of every place

Answer

The letter 'e'.

SHAYRI

Hamein zindagi to di kisi aur ne,
Par pyaar itna dekar jeena sikha diya aapne.

Tujhe bhoolkar bhi na bhool payenge hum,
Bas yahi ek wada nibha payenge hum.
Mita denge khud ko bhi jahan se lekin,
Tera naam dil se na mita payenge hum..

View Raw Image">

Karoge yaad ek din is pyar ke zamane ko,
Chale jayenge jab hum kabhi na vapas aane ko.
Chalega mehfil me jab zikr hamara koi,
To tum bhi tanhayi dhundoge aansu bahane ko.

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Sabhi ko sabh kuch nahi milta,
Nadi ki har lehar ko sahil nahi milta,
Yeh dil walon ki dunia hai dost,
Kisi se dil nahi milta to koi dil se nahi milta

View Raw Image">

Kadam kadam pe baharon ne saath chhoda,
Zaroorat padne par yaaron ne saath chhoda,
Vaada kiya sitaron ne saath dene ka,
Subah hone par sitaron ne bhi saath chhoda

View Raw Image">

Dil ka dard dil todne wale kya jane,
Pyar ke rivazon ko zamana kya jane,
Hoti hai kitni takleef ladki patane mein,
Ye ghar pe baitha ladki ka baap kya jaane.

View Raw Image">

Geet ki zarorat mahfil me hoti hai,
Pyar ki zarorat dil me hoti hai,
Bin dost ke adhuri hai ye jindagi,
kyunki dost ki zarorat har pal mahsus hoti hai...

Very Useful Information. Pl forward to help your relatives

FW: Very Useful Information. Pl forward to help your relatives

By-pass surgery


Dear All,

This is a new theory which has come to my knowledge very recently and I thought that I should also share
with you all.

A few days back my Friends Father in law was admitted in a nursing home due to severe chest pain.

He had an attack in 1997 and was undergoing normal treatment.

Due to the sudden pain just 15 days back we once again got him admitted in a private nursing home at
Kandiwali, Mumbai.

The doctors later suggested for Angiography.

We conducted the Angiography at Hinduja Hospital and knew from the reports that he has multiple blockages.

The doctor told that he cannot undergo Angioplasty due to several blockages but suggested 'By Pass Surgery'.


The same day evening we bought him home since the doctor suggested that his heart is very weak and we can
perform the by-pass only after 15 - 20 days

In the mean time we were discussing this issue with our relatives and friends, we got this new information
from one of our family friends.

There is a new therapy in the market which is known as - Chelation Therapy. Or Calation Therapy.

According to this therapy any patient who has to undergo by-pass need not undergo the same.

The patient is given appx. 18 bottles of blood where in some medicines are injected along with it.

The blood cleans the system and removes all the blockages from the heart.

The no. of bottles may increase depending upon the age factor and health of the patient.

The cost of the blood per bottle would be appx. Rs.2,500/- The treatment takes of appx. 1 month.

There are only 4 doctors in India and one of them is Dr.Dhananjay Shah at Malad (Mumbai) another at
Karnataka.

He has a list of patients who had to undergo by-pass from Lilavati, Hinduja and other major hospitals but
after undergoing the above treatment they are absolutely fine and leading a normal life.

I give below the Doctor's details for your info:

Dr. Dhananjay Shah.
Hospital Tel: 0091-22-2889 2089.
Mob: 98194 39657.
Email: shahdhananjay@ rediffmail. com

Kindly pass on the message to the people you know and one can save huge amount of money, time and risk of
undergoing the operation.

AGE AND WISDOM

Age and wisdom

A crusty old biker, on a summer ride in the country, walks into a tavern and sees a sign hanging over the bar, which reads:

CHEESEBURGER: $1.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH : $2.50
HAND JOB: $100.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender serving drinks to a meager looking group of farmers.

'Yes?' she inquires with a knowing smile, 'can I help you?'

'I was wondering,' whispers the old biker, 'are you the young lady who gives the hand-jobs?'

'Yes, she smiles and purrs, I sure am.'

The old biker replies, 'Well wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger.'

THE PRICE OF STUPIDITY

The Price of Stupidity



What a world? (country NSW)... On Thursday, 24 January 2002, Derek Guille
broadcast this story on his afternoon program on ABC radio.



In March, 1999, a man living in Kandos (near Mudgee in NSW) received a bill
for his as yet unused gas line stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it
and threw it away. In April he received another bill and threw that one
away too.



The following month the gas company sent him a very nasty note stating they
were going to cancel his gas line if he didn't send them $0.00 by return
mail. He called them, talked to them, and they said it was a computer error
and they would take care of it.



The following month he decided that it was about time that he tried out the
troublesome gas line figuring that if there as usage on the account it
would put an end to this ridiculous predicament. However, when he went to
use the gas, it had been cut off. He called the gas company who appologised
for the computer error once again and said that they would take care of it.
The next day he got a bill for $0.00 stating that payment was now overdue.



Assuming that having spoken to them the previous day the latest bill was
yet another mistake, so he ignored it, trusting that the company would be
as good as their word and sort the problem out.



The next month he got a bill for $0.00. This bill also stated that he had
10 days to pay his account or the company would have to take steps to recover
the debt.



Finally, giving in, he thought he would beat the company at their own game
and mailed them a cheque for $0.00. The computer duly processed his account
and returned a statement to the effect that he now owed the gas company
nothing at all.



A week later, the manager of the Mudgee branch of the Westpac Banking
Corporation called our hapless friend and asked him what he was doing
writing cheque for $0.00. After a lengthy explanation the bank manager
replied that the $0.00 cheque had caused their cheque processing software
to fail. The bank could therefore not process ANY cheques they had received
from ANY of their customers that day because the cheque for $0.00 had
caused the computer to crash.



The following month the man received a letter from the gas company claiming
that his cheque has bounced and that he now owed them $0.00 and unless he
sent a cheque by return mail they would take immediate steps to recover the
debt. At this point, the man decided to file a debt harassment claim
against the gas company. It took him nearly 2 hours to convince the clerks
at the local courthouse that he was not joking. They subsequently assisted
him in the drafting of statements which were considered substantive
evidence of the aggravation and difficulties he had been forced to endure
during this debacle. The matter was heard in the Magistrate's Court in
Mudgee and the outcome was this:



The gas company was ordered to:



[1] Immediately rectify their computerised accounts system or show cause,
within 10 days, why the matter should not be referred to a higher court for
consideration under company Law.



[2] Pay the bank dishonour fees incurred by the man.



[3] Pay the bank dishonour fees incurred by all the Westpac clients whose
cheques had been bounced on the day our friend's had been.



[4] Pay the claimant's court costs; and



[5] Pay the claimant a total of $1500 per month for the 5 month period
March to July inclusive as compensation for the aggravation they had caused
their client to suffer. And all this over $0.00.



This story can also be viewed on the ABC website.